


Cockroaches, Cranberry Juice, Crop-Tops, and PANIC

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Decisions, Bad Puns, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Alive, Gen, Group chat, Human Disaster Aaron Burr, Texting, The imaginary texting app is sort mystic messenger styled haha, an unusual amout of angst for a textfic, everyone goes to the same school somehow, everyone is actually a pretty decent human being, except for peggy bc she's a senior in highschool, group text, hercules acts unnecessarily like a spy at regular intervals, theyre all incompetent disasters tho bc i project onto them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:42:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9905705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A.Schuy. -   WELCOME BACK TOA.Schuy. -  THE "COLLEGE CAMPUS SQUAD ™ "  GROUP CHAT…….A.Schuy. – Today’s 1st order of business: Alexander’s inability to eat real meals.A.Ham. - WHEATIES IS A REAL MEAL ANGLEA----------------------------------------------------------A multi- chapter  Hamilton textfic because I'm uncreative and want to join the cool kids.





	1. Fresh Oats

_**Chapter 1: Fresh Oats.** _

_ College Campus Squad™ Chatroom: _

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

**P.Schuy has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. -   WELCOME BACK TO THE **"COLLEGE CAMPUS SQUAD ™"**   GROUP CHAT…….

P.Schuy. - AND ME

A.Schuy. - ok

A.Schuy. -   WELCOME BACK TO THE **"COLLEGE CAMPUS SQUAD + PEGGY OUR BELOVED SISTER™"**   GROUP CHAT

A.Schuy. - :)

P.Schuy. - :) :) :)

A.Schuy. – Today’s 1st order of business: Alexander’s inability to eat real meals.

**A.Ham has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – He wasn’t answering my texts this morning

A.Schuy. – Which is never a good sign.

A.Schuy. – I went to the library.

A.Schuy. – Only to find out from the librarian that he had been holed up in there for like two days straight.

A.Schuy. – Living off of the free coffee samples.

P.Schuy. - who puts free coffee samples in a library

A.Schuy. – I honestly don't know but I'm not complaining

A.Schuy. – I can’t take care for our problematic fav alone anymore.

A.Schuy. – Alexander, I know you’re here.

A.Ham. – sssshhhhhhhHHHHHHH

A.Schuy. - GET SOME LUNCH IT'S MIDDAY!!!!

A.Ham. - WHEATIES IS A REAL MEAL ANGLEA

P.Schuy. - ANGELA LMAO

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Scuy – ½ a bowlful of Wheaties is not enough to get you through the entire day alexander.

A.Ham. - IT’S THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS ANGELICA

J.Laur. – babe wtf no

A.Ham. – DOnt yOU BABE ME   L A  U R A

**A.Ham has left the chatroom.**

J.Laur. -  B U T,,,,  B A B E,,,,,

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

P.Schy. – LAURA lmao

E.Schuy. – someone save him please…....

**H.Mull. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – yeS hERC

E.Schuy. - I’d help but I’m still in my lecture :( :(

A.Schuy. - You should probably get back to that,,,,

E.Schuy. - I know

E.Schuy. - <3 <3

A.Schuy. - <3

P.Schuy. - <3 <3 <3

H.Mull. – HAVE I BEEN SUMMONED

J.Laur. – yeS hERC  

H.Mull. – >:-0 !!!!

J.Laur. - lex tried to live of of Wheaties again

H.Mull. - I'M IN THE AREA.

H.Mull. – I’M COMIng over w/ some Fresh Oats ™   :-) 

A.Schuy. – Fresh oats?????

J.Laur. -  F R E SH  O A TS

H.Mull.- F R E S H  O A T S  :-)

**H.Mull. has left the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – Fresh Oats???

J.Laur. -  F R E SH  O A TS

P.Schuy – FRESH OAts   :) :) :)

P.Schuy. – I WISH I COULD HELP BUT….. still @ the High School….. :( :( :(

A.Schuy. - :(   Miss u peggs…..

E.Schuy. - :( :(

**A.Ham has entered the chatroom.**

P.Schuy - :( :( :(

A.Ham. – can someone explain to me why Herc  is ?????

A.Ham. – at my door?????  w/ a bag full of oatmeal????

**H.Mull. has entered the chatroom.**

H.Mull- KNock KnOcK

A.Ham. – HOW DID YOU GET HERE SO FAST?????

H.Mull. – I WAS IN THE AREA.

A.Ham. – WITH OATS?????

H.Mull. – YES     :-)

A.Ham. – HOW?????

H.Mull. – **……………………**

A.Ham- WHY?????

H.Mull. – .............................

A.Ham. – ??????????

H.Mull. – Open????? The???? Door????

A.Ham. – no?????

H.Mull. – >:-0

A.Schuy – Rude?????

H.Mull.-  i came all this way  >:-0

E.Schuy. – alexander he came all this way!!  :( :(

J.Laur. – He Came All This Way Babe

P.Schuy. – he came all this way  :( :( :(

A.Schuy. – He came all this way.

A.Ham - jdjdbdjdhbff

A.Ham. - Fine.

P.Schuy. – WOOOOOO!!!!

J.Laur. – *victory kazoo*

P.Schuy. – :) :) :)

E.Schuy. – :) :)

A.Schuy. – :)

H.Mull. - I’m have infiltrated the Ham

H.Mull. -  I repeat

H.Mull. - I have infiltrated the Ham

J.Laur. - *mission impossible theme*

P.Schuy. – Operation Fresh Oats is ago

E.Schuy. –  :) :)

E.Schuy – remind me who else is in this chat again?

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – G.wash is supposed to be here but

J.Laur – He never really does anything unless things get too

J.Laur – ~~ spicy ~~

A.Schuy. – You mean.

A.Schuy – Disastrous?

J.Laur. – He’s the reason why we still have normal user names tbh

H.Mull. – WhY TF DOES HAM HAVE A COCKROACH IN HIS ROOM????

E.Schuy. - he has a wHAT????

H.Mull. - IT'S RUNNING AROUND ON THE FLOOR AND CUPBOARDS

J.Laur. – There’s also Laf

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – DoN t SQUISH HIM

H.Mull. - WHY NOT????

J.Laur. – Laf’s data plan doesn’t work while he’s in France tho

H.Mull. – WHy DO YOU HAVE A COCKROACH IN YOUR ROOM??????

J.Laur. – Which is where he is right now

A.Ham. – HiS NAME IS JERRY

H.Mull. - AKEX NO

E.Schuy. - Alexander you are nOT KEEP THAT

J.Laur. – visiting his relatives since he was born there ya know

A.Ham. - BUT

A.Ham. – HE’S MY unofficIAL ROOMMATE

H.Mull. – ????

J.Laur. – I think that’s everyone

E.Schuy. – Alexander.

A.Ham. – Eliza.

J.Laur. – WAIT I WAS DISTRACTED WHAT’S GOING ON

E.Schuy. – ALEXANDER.

A.Ham. – ELIZA.

E.Schuy. - >:(  >:(

P.Schuy. - oh no she pulled out her angery face 

H.Mull. - Hamilton is going to be Hamilgone.

E.Schuy. - As ur official momfriend, I cant let you accidentally choke on a cockroach in the middle of the night

A.Ham. - kinky

E.Schuy. - no,,,,

E.Schuy. - we're talking ab this in person when my lecture is over... 

**E.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – FORGIVE ME MOTHER

P.Schuy. – Oh SHTE ur gunna get schooled

A.Ham. - O H  N O.

P.Schuy.– IT’S GUNNA BE LIKE THAT TIME YOU WROTE 51 ESSAYs

P.Schuy. - SHE LITERALLY FORCABKY DRAGGED YOU OUTSIDE

A.Ham. - WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT DARK PERIOD OF MY LIFE SHJHH

A.Schuy. – ALEXANDER

A.Schuy. – TALK LESS.

A.Schuy. – EAT MORE.

A.Ham. – ........

A.Ham. - Did you just quote burr

A.Schuy. - .......he's rubbing off on me, isn't he

A.Ham. - REAL TALK!!!!

A.Ham. - how do you know him????

P.Schuy. – who's Burr lmao

A.Schuy. - Don't you remember Aaron Burr, Peggy?

P.Schuy. - mAybe???? I don't really know people

J.Laur. - RT

A.Ham. - RT

H.Mull -  same

A.Schuy. - you were with me when we first met him

P.Schuy. - ?????

A.Schuy. - he flirted with me and I decked him in the face lololol

P.Schuy. - wait that guy

A.Schuy. - yes

P.Schuy. - ok ok ok

A.Ham. - Wait what????!

J.Laur. - damn angelica

J.Laur. - fierce

A.Ham. - He never told me he knew you????

A.Ham - Burr and I were friends for like a year before he started getting really

A.Ham. - uh

P.Schuy. - :0 :0 :0

A.Ham - anyway

P.Schuy. - ????

A.Schuy. - I don't think I even knew Alexander at the time to be honest  **:/**

A.Schuy. - But Burr is in a lot of my classes now

A.Schuy. - We're both on the law path, so

A.Schuy. - I think we're friends now???

P.Schuy. - I'll never understand these bromances :( :( :(

J.Laur. - anyWAY 

J.Laur. - BACK TO LEX'S HEALTH AND WELL-BEING

H.Mull. – Oh RiGht FOOD!!   >:-0

H.Mull. – I’ll heat Up THE OATS ™

P.Schuy. – how do you do that btw

H.Mull. – IT’S SIMPLE   :-)

H.Mull. – YOU PUT THE OATS IN A PAN AND THEN

H.Mull. – Y O U  H E A T  T H E M

P.Schuy. – I KNOW THAT,,,,,

P.Schuy. – I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE TM THING

H.Mull. – ohHHHH

H.Mull. – it’s just my autocorrect now I don’t know

P.Schuy. – OH SHOT

A.Schuy.- ?????

P.Schuy. - MY TEACHER CAUGHT ME TEXTIN FDODNW

H.Mull. – ??????  >:-0

P.Schuy. – GTG GTG GTG

**P.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – Oh no Peggs

J.Laur. – PEGGY NOOOOOO

H.Mull. – PEGGY NOOOOOOOOOOO

A.Ham. – PEGY NOOO

A.Schuy. – I’m such a bad influence oh no.

H.Mull. – IS SHE GOING TO BE OK?????

A.Schuy. – I’m bowing on my knees in prayer that she won’t get her phone taken away.

J.Laur. – RT

A.Ham – RT

H.Mull – RT

A.Ham – ok ok so GUYS

A.Ham. – since Eliza is going to attack me later can we not talk about Jerry right now

A.Schuy. – Fine.

A.Ham. – U da best.

A.Schuy. Don’t you forget it.

A.Schuy. – If y’all will excuse me, I’m praying for my sister.

**A.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – Wowe

J.Laur. – This is the first time in a long time we’ve had a Schuyler- free chatroom……

A.Ham – Herc is literally force-feeding me oatmeal I gtg

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – Herc wtf

H.Mull. – I’M NOT FKLJFDKLFJDFEF

H.Mull. – I’M NURSING HIM BACK TO HEALTH

J.Laur. – NOT IF YOU KILL HIM FIRST?????

J.Laur. – ………

J.Laur. – ………

J.Laur. – ………

J.Laur. - guys?????

J.Laur. – it’s been 10 min. since you last replied what is going on

J.Laur. – IF YOU DON’T TEXT BACK I’M COMING OVER I SWEAR TO F R IC K

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – zoom zoom   :^)

J.Laur. – B A B E ? ? ?

A.Ham. –  zoom zoom   :^) 

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

J.Laur. - ??????

H.Mull. – HAM IS ON THE RUN

J.Laur. - EHAT??????

H.Mull. – I REPEAT

H.Mull. – THE HAM IS ON THE RUN

J.Laur. - AGAIN????

J.Laur. – I’M COMING I’M COMING I’M COMING

**H.Mull has left the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**


	2. The Fall.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.Laur. – you could rob a bank and get away with it kfc  
> A.Ham. – LEAVE KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN OUT OF THIS  
> J.Laur. – leAVE MY TYPING ERRORS OUT OF THIS
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Alexander's still on the run, and ready 4 fun.

** Chapter 2: The Fall. **

_ College Campus Squad™ Chatroom: _

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – LEX,,,

J.Laur. – BABE,,,,

J.Laur. – ALEX,,,,,

J.Laur. – ALEXANDER,,,,,

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – COEM DONW

A.Ham. – N O

J.Laur. – COME DOWN OR HERCULES IS ACTUALLY GOING TO CLIMB

A.Ham – NO HE WON’T

J.Laur. – HE’S GOT HIS ~ DETERMINED ~ FACE ON HE  W I L L

A.Ham. – HE WOULDN’T DARE

J.Laur. – he literally just handed me his phone and beanie, and said, “protect my children while I’m gone”

J.Laur. – HE’S STARTED HIS ASCENT

A.Ham. – OH MY WDIOWDWIODJJDWOIJ HE’S ACTUALLY CLIMBING

**G.Wash has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – MR WASHINGTON

A.Ham – SIR MR WASHINGTON SIR

G.Wash. –  …….

G.Wash. – Do I even want to know what’s happening

A.Ham. – SIR NO SIR

J.Laur. – OK SO YOU KNOW THAT GIANT REDWOOD TREE IN THE CENTER OF THE CAMPUS???

G.Wash. – ……..yes?

J.Laur. – HERCULES AND I WERE CHASING HIM AND GOT LOST AND WE FINALLY FOUND HIM IN IT

J.Laur. – H E  WON T COME DOWN

G.Wash. – dear

G.Wash. – why were you chasing him

A.Ham. – SIR THEY WERE TRYING OT KILL ME SIR

J.Laur. – LIES

A.Ham. – NO

J.Laur. – L I E S  L I E S  L I E S

A.Ham. –        N       O

G.Wash. – …….

G.Wash. – I am just going to scroll up and see what happened

G.Wash. – be right back

A.Ham. – SIR BYE SIR

J.Laur. – bless

A.Ham. – I DIDN’T THINK THIS THROUGH AT ALL I’M UP SO HIGH

J.Laur. – how did you even get to the top of the tree that quickly?????

A.Ham. – ADRENALINE.

J.Laur. –  I barely see you you’re up so high you must have some really strong calves

J.Laur. – you could rob a bank and get away with it kfc

A.Ham. – LEAVE KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN OUT OF THIS

J.Laur. – leAVE MY TYPING ERRORS OUT OF THIS

J.Laur. – Hercules is already like half way up the tree now I forgot how fit and fast he is

J.Laur. – like I’d probably only be a quarter of the way

A.Ham. – NO NO NO TELL HIM TO COME DOWN

J.Laur. – HOW?????

J.Laur. – HE LEFT HIS PHONE WITH ME,,,,

A.Ham. – I DON’t CARE HE CAN’T COME UP

J.Laur. – You’re serious

A.Ham. – YES I’M BEING SERIOUS WTF

J.Laur. – SORRY SORRY IT’S HARD TO TELL WHEN WE’RE JUST BEING MEMERS AND WHEN WE’RE BEING SERIOUS

J.Laur. –ok what happened should I call 911

A.Ham. – hahaha haHAHHAHAHA

J.Laur. – ???????

A.Ham. – I MIGHT HAVE A,,,,, SMALL PROBLEM,,,,,,

J.Laur. – ????????????????????????

A.Ham. – ok, so I didn’t think through how many people are staring up at me rn

A.Ham. – and I MAY have,,,,

A.Ham. – snagged my pants on a branch,,,,

A.Ham. – and ripped them

A.Ham. – significantly

J.Laur. – are they salvageable???

A.Ham – If the world wants to see my “are you nasty” boxers, yeah

J.Laur. – …..

G.Wash. – alright, I read from Angelica’s summary to here,

G.Wash. – ……….I think I’m caught up now.

J.Laur. – BLESS.

J.Laur. – CAN YOU COME HELP LEX IS HAVING A CRISIS

G.Wash. – already on it,

G.Wash. – I’m driving over with some pants.

J.Laur. – B L E S S.

**G.Wash has left the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – hahhahahahahha

A.Ham – I’m doomed,,,

J.Laur. – NO YOUR NOT BAB

A.Ham. – THERE’S SO MANY PEOPLE WATCHING

J.Laur. – EVERyoNE’S IN CLASS THERE’S ONLY THREE PEOPLE

A.Ham. –THREE PEOPLE WITH A CANDID VIEW OF MY EXPOSED REAR

J.Laur. – NOBODY CAN SEE IT FROM DOWN HERE

A.Ham. – L IE S

J.Laur. – IT’S THE TRUTH

A.Ham. – CLIMBIGN UP THE TREE WAS JUST A JOKE HOW DID IT GO SO WRONG

J.Laur. – if it makes you feel any better I’m still finding this pretty hilarious

A.Ham. – TTHAT DOESN’T HELP

J.Laur. – I’m still very concerned tho come down please

A.Ham. – W OA H

J.Laur. – ??????

A.Ham. – I’M VERY LIGHT HEADED RN WE’RE UP SO HIGH

J.Laur. – “We’re???”

A.Ham – yeah herc is almost at my level now

A.Ham. –been a long time since I’ve seen his hair out of a beanie

J.Laur. – does that make you wanna come down anymore

A.Ham. – NO HE JUST SAW MY RIPPED PANTS AND STARTED LAUGHING I HATE THIS

A.Ham. – fefe wrwrwrwgregfefefdewd

A.Ham – THIS IS HERCULES I STOLE THE HAM’S PHONE AND I AM CURRENTLY BLINDED BY MY OWN HAIR AND LITERALLY BARELY HOLDING ONTO THIS TREE I WANT TO COME DOWN I HATE THIS

J.Laur. – GET HIM TO COME DOWN

A.Ham. – HOW?????

J.Laur. – SMOOTH TALK HIM WASH IS IN HIS WAY WITH A CHANGE OF PANTS

A.Ham. – I’M ON ITSJFWIODJWDOPWJP

J.Laur. – what

A.Ham – this is Hamilton I got my phone back from the intruder

J.Laur. – OK OK LET ME GET IT TOGETHER

J.Laur. – ALEX, THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS HILARIOUS, BUT WE LOVE YOU,

J.Laur. – AND I PROMISE TO BE A HUMAN BODY SHIELD SO NO ONE SEES YOUR EXPOSED GLUTEOUS MAXIMUS IF YOU’LL JUST C O M E  D O W N

J.Laur. – SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY!!!!!

J.Laur. –  AND THEN WE CAN GO GET ICE CREAM AND CRY TOGETHER ABOUT THIS

J.Laur. – ………

J.Laur. –……..

J.Laur. – LEX IT’S BEEN LIKE TWO MInUTES ARE YOU OK

A.Ham. – YES YES EYS yeYU YES

A.Ham. – I’M READING THIS TEXT OVER HERC’S PETRIFIED SCREAMS

J.Laur. – I’M CALLING 911 IF YOU TWO DON’T COME DOWN IMMEDIATELY

A.Ham. – it’s ok everythings ok

A.Ham. – except I might have uh

A.Ham. – blanked for a minute

J.Laur. –YOU WHAT

A.Ham. – ok maybe I’m more affected by the heights then I should be right now

J.Laur. – ALEX BE CAREFUL

A.Ham. – THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS MY FAULT I SHOULDMT HAVE

J.Laur. – NO IT’S NOT WE’VE dONE MORE STUPID STUFF IN THE PAST

A.Ham. – EIFOJOFPJWPEFOJEPFJWEPFJ

J.Laur. – REMEMBER THE LAMPOST INCIDENT ALEXADNER

J.Laur. – YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON TO LOSE THEIR PANTS OVER DUMB IDEAS

J.LAur. – …..LEX???

A.Ham. – THIS IS HERCULES AGAIN

A.Ham. – ALEX IS OK WE’RE GOING TO GO OFFLINE THOUGH

J.Laur. – LISTEN,,,,,

J.Laur. – YOU TWO HAD BETTER COME DOWN SAFELY

J.Laur. – YOU CAN LET ME LIVE REFERENCING THE LAMPOST INCIDENT DOWN

A.Ham. – wouldn’t dream of it   ;-)

**A.Ham has left the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

* * *

 

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – HERCULES????

A.Ham. – OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO

A.Ham – JOHN SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER

**G.Wash. has entered the chatroom.**

G.Wash. – Don’t worry, John ran over to look him over and he’s doing alright

G.Wash. – he’s yelling very loudly

G.Wash. – Hercules, that is.

A.Ham. – I KNOW I KNOW I CAN HEAR HIM

A.Ham. – IT DOESN’T SOUND GOOD AT ALL

G.Wash. – it’s a good sign, keep calm

A.Ham. – HOW IS YELLING A GOOD SIGN???

G.Wash. – he hasn’t gone unconscious, which means he didn’t hurt his head

A.Ham. – ok okkoI don’t know if I can get down anysemore

G.Wash. –just hold tight, we called an ambulance and explained the situation

A.Ham. – i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry

G.Wash. – breath, son

A.Ham. - he fell so quickly I couldn't catch him

G.Wash. – It's a good you didn't, he might have dragged you down with him

A.Ham. – everything got so quiet down there

A.Ham. – why is it so quiet

A.Ham. –is hercules dead

G.Wash. - no son he's fine

A.Ham. - did he pass out is that why he stopped screaming

G.Wash. – he’s ok, he’s still conscious and very reasonable, take care of yourself up there

A.Ham. – I

G.Wash –keep breathing

A.Ham. – I know I just

G.Wash. – the ambulance is here you’re going to be fine

A.Ham. – okokok

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

**G.Wash. has left the chatroom.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: this fic isn't my priority so I'm not going to update it very often  
> Me: *updates this one before I update my actual priority fic*
> 
> HERCULES IS GOING TO BE OK DON'T WORRY I WOULDN'T KILL OFF ANY CHARACTERS  
> I don't actually know how long it takes for an ambulance to reach a place, I just assumed that because they're in the middle of campus it would be easier to get help quickly  
> This chapter started off as just silly tree climbing shenanigans and then my brain had to make it go dark but it's going to be fluffy after this don't worry


	3. Hospitals and Singing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.Laur. – we should hang out more often we have great chemistry  
> A.Schuy. – we have horrible chemistry you just almost got me kicked out of the hospital for assault  
> J.Laur. – amazing
> 
> \---------------------------------------------------------  
> Everyone heads over to the hospital and Eliza gets helpleeessssssssss.........ly lost.

**Chapter 3: Hospitals and Singing.**

_College Campus Squad™ Chatroom:_

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – AHHHHHHHHH

E.Schuy. – AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

A.Schuy. – WHY DO WE ALWAYS MISS THE IMPORTANT THINGS

E.Schuy. – WE LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR ½ AN HOUR AND HERCULES ENDS UP IN THE HOSPITAL??????

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – we need to keep all of you on a leash.

E.Schuy. – we would need,,,

E.Schuy. – a very big leash,,,,

A.Schuy. – I’m sure we could find one.

J.Laur. – YOUR BACK GOOD!!!!!

J.Laur. – WE’VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR TWO HOURS BUT THEY WON’T Let US SEE HIM

A.Schuy. – Do you what his uh

A.Schuy. – condition is….?

J.Laur. – I mean I was there and he was holding his leg really badly

J.Laur. –It might be broken

E.Schuy. – oh no!!

A.Schuy. – :(

E.Schuy. – :( :(

A.Schuy. – Eliza are you still in class?

E.Schuy. – it just ended!!

A.Schuy. –I’ll come over and pick you up!!

E.Schuy. – :) :)

A.Schuy. – what hospital are y’all at?

J.Laur. – it’s the same one I was in

A.Schuy. – Ok good, I already have it pre-set my GPS then

E.Schuy. – who else is there with you right now?

J.Laur. – GWash is looking into which room Hercules is in rn

J.Laur. – Alex fell asleep on me!!!

J.Laur. – he’s got his head on my lap and he’s just completely dead

E.Schuy. – SEND PICS!!!!

J.Laur. – I’ll send them privately hang on

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

**E.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – I’M SAVING ALL OF THESE!!

J.Laur. – bless

E.Schuy. – oh!!

E.Schuy. – I need to talk to my friend about somthing

E.Schuy. – see you soon!!!

J.Laur. – laters

**E.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – Isn’t it hard for Alex to be back in this hospital?

A.Schuy. – after

A.Schuy. – agh

A.Schuy. – maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up

J.Laur. – I’m not afraid to talk about it anymore, you know

A.Schuy. – I know, I know,

A.Schuy. – I just realized it was rude of me

J.Laur. – it’s alright, and you’re right

J.Laur. – Lex is still really out of it, though, I don’t think he noticed that this is the same hospital

A.Schuy. – I’m probably going to have to drag him back to his dorm to sleep, aren’t I

J.Laur. – yep

J.Laur. – he’s not going to want to leave Herc alone,

J.Laur. –especially if they actUALLY FINALLY LET US SEE HIM FWIFJEIOFJEIOFJ

A.Schuy. – ha!

A.Schuy. – I’m going to get off to drive now, see you soon

**A.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

* * *

 

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – HOUR THREE OF OUR WAIT

J.Laur. – GWash fell asleep in the chair I’m taking pictures for blackmail

**J.Laur. sent a photo.**

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – well, I was, but now that it’s posted here I guess it’s not really blackmail

E.Schuy. – is that drool on the side of his mouth

J.Laur. – yes

E.Schuy. – amazing

J.Laur. – are you and Angelica lost or something

E.Schuy. – I’m never trusting her GPS again

E.Schuy. – we’ve been told we made it to our destination five times and now we’re hungry so we’re stopping for bagels

J.Laur. – amazing

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

**E.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

* * *

 

 

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – I’M AWAKE

J.Laur. – we’re right next to each other????

A.Ham. – your point

J.Laur. – fair enough

A.Ham. – How long have we been here?

J.Laur. – this is hour 4 now I think

A.Ham. – hhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH

J.Laur. – It might be awhile long if you wanna keep sleeping

A.Ham. – I’m already awake now tho

J.Laur. – maybe we should like take a walk or something

A.Ham. – HOLY CANDOODLE WASHINGOTN IS SLE{EPPJN

J.Laur. – You Just Now Noticed

A.Ham. – PICTuRES PICTURES PICTURES PICTUES

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – you are unbelievable

J.Laur. – I want a divorce on our friendship

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom**

* * *

 

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – WE’RE HERE WE BROUGHT BAGELS

A.Schuy. – where are you guys

A.Schuy. – sighs

A.Schuy. – Eliza and I are going to split up and look for y’all

A.Schuy. – but I’m only giving her one bagel and that’s for herself so nobody can take it.

**A.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

* * *

 

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – oops sorry angelica we took a walk

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – WHERE ARE YOU THIS HOSPITAL IS BIGGER THAN I REMEMBER

J.Laur. – YOU SHOULD REMEMBER YOU GUYS VISITED ME HERE ALL THE TIME

A.Schuy. – WE ALWAYS HAD HERCULES AND ALEXANDER AND MR.WASHINGTON TO GUIDE US THOUGH

J.Laur. – what even

A.Schuy. – so do you even know where you are though

J.Laur. – I,,,,,

J.Laur. – ok you’re right this hospital is a mess™

A.Schuy. – just ONE MAP would be really helpful ab now

J.Laur. – IT’S NO USE

J.Laur. – I’LL JUST START SCREAMING REALLY LOUDLY USE ECHOLOCATION TO FIND US

J.Laur. – I’M SCREAMING THE BAR SONG YOU KNOW THE ONE

A.SChuy. – you say that like I’m going to need to identify it from other people’s screams

J.Laur. – i maY NOT LIVe tO SE e  OuR GLORY

A.Schuy. – I HEAR YOU

J.Laur. – I SEE YOU

J.Laur. – YOUR SPRINTING OM RUN RUN RUN

J.Laur. – WAS SHOVING THAT POOR NURSE REALLY NESSASSAYR

A.Schuy. – I  C A ME  A S   S O O N  A S I  H E A  R D

J.Laur. – we should hang out more often we have great chemistry

A.Schuy. – we have horrible chemistry you just almost got me kicked out of the hospital for assault

J.Laur. – amazing

A.Schuy. – that begs the question where are Mr. Washington and Alexander

J.Laur. – visiting Hercules they only let two ppl in at a time

A.Schuy. – I would have thought that you would want to be first

J.Laur. – yeah but someone had to find you guys and I’m the only person with a loud enough scream

A.Schuy. – I can’t believe you planned for this

A.Schuy. – although

A.Schuy. – I must admit you have a very loud scream

J.Laur. – ty

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – I HEARD SCREAMING

E.Schuy. – WAS THAT YOU JOHN

J.Laur. – I didn’t know I could be identified by my scream

A.Schuy. – keep screaming so she can find us

J.Laur. – you have to join in

A.Schuy. – I Will

J.Laur. – good

E.Schuy. – I think I hear very distant singing

A.Schuy. – FOLLOW IT

J.Laur. – the nurses are staring daggers at us

E.Schuy. – I can imagine

E.Schuy. – you have a very nice voice angie

A.Schuy. – it’s the siren’s call

J.Schuy. – siofjgrsiodjmoijd fjwie

A.Schuy. – iowejgioewjfeiofjewf

E.Schuy. – you just stopped singing so I’m assuming they took enforcement measures

E.Schuy. – I just asked one of the workers if they had seen you and they groaned and pointed in the opposite direction from the way I was going

A.Schuy. – well

E.Schuy. – I’m so confused

J.Laur. – how do neither of you have any idea how to traverse this place I was here for 4 months and you visited me plenty

E.Schuy. – I

A.Schuy. – we don’t question it

J.Laur. – should I come look for you

E.Schuy. – That might be a good idea

A.Schuy. – but then both of you will be lost????

J.Laur. – Angelica give me five bagels we’ll use them to bribe the nurses into bringing us back

J.Laur. – Eliza, stay in one place and don’t move

E.Schuy. – kk

A.Schuy. – Godspeed you

**J.Laur. left the chatroom.**

**A.Schuy. left the chatroom.**

**E.Schuy. left the chatroom.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm addicted to writing this I can't stop....  
> If your confused about John Lauren's relationship with this hospital I'm going to hopefully explain it in a later chapter so hang in there I had to write it as something everyone already knew about.
> 
> -TY for reading this guys


	4. Too Many Bagels??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> E.Schuy. – we bought at least three dozen  
> J.Laur. – “at least” ?????  
> E.Schuy. – we had the time and the money
> 
> \----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> We finally end the hospital scenes in this chapter I think but I'm not sure

**_Chapter 4: Too many Bagels? _ **

_ College Campus Squad™ Chatroom: _

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – Alexander!!!

A.Ham. – Angelica!!!

A.Schuy. – aren’t you still in the room with Hercules?

A.Ham. – YEAH I AM

A.Ham. – semi-coherent hercules is my favorite hercules tbh

A.Schuy. – what did he do to warrant that statement

A.Ham. – he’s v emotional about things

A.Ham. – right now he’s crying bc I told him you brought bagels and he wants one but the nurse said we can’t bring food in

A.Schuy. – that’s horrible I’m going to smuggle one in for him when I’m allowed to visit

A.Schuy. – when can I come in

A.Ham. – HERCULES I’M

A.Schuy. – what

A.Ham. – SO I LEANED DOWN AND WHISpered

A.Ham. – “its ok herc Angelica will sneak in a bagel for you don’t worry”

A.Ham. – AND HE JUST STOPS CRYING AND LOOKS UP AND HE’S SNIFFLES ONCE AND THEN HE GETS

A.Ham. – TOTALLY GET SERIOUS He gOes

A.Ham. – “I won’t tell a soul” WITH THE MOST SERIOUS FACE

A.Schuy. –precious

A.Ham. – I KNOW

A.Ham. – ok Washington is done visiting so you can come in if you want

A.Schuy. – he just came out

A.Schuy. – he looks very tired I gave him a bagel

A.Ham. – considering everything we put him through, he deserves at least five

A.Schuy. – I tried but he won’t accept any more than one

A.Ham. – shame

A.Schuy. – THEY’RE LETTING ME IN I’M COMING IN

A.Schuy. – shall I bring the ~~bagels~~ in for our guest?

A.Ham. – HERCULES

A.Ham. – I whispered, “Look herc here she comes” and he’s squealing so loudly

A.Schuy. – so is it the pain killers or is he just semi-conscious from hitting his head or something

A.Ham. – I think it’s the painkillers????

A.Schuy. – OM HE’S SO PRECIOUS I NEED TO TURN MY PHONE OFF FOR THIS CONVERSATION

A.Ham. – ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO

**A.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – WAIT GUYS

J.Laur. – DON’T LEAVE ME

J.Laur. – I’m so lost but I found Eliza and we’re rationing the single bagel™ you gave her into sections in case we’re stuck here forever

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – Eliza I thought you went to look for help

E.Schuy. – I did find help look up from your phone

J.Laur. – Oh hi there a random stranger

J.Laur. – he doesn’t look like he works here

E.Schuy. – no but he’s here a lot so apparently he actually knows his way around somehow

E.Schuy. – I promised him we would give him a bagel if he helped us get back

J.Laur. – many bagels did you bring that you can afford to give them out to random strangers

E.Schuy. – we didn’t know how much longer it would take for the gps to actually take us to the hospital,,,, so

E.Schuy. – we bought at least three dozen

J.Laur. – “at least” ?????

E.Schuy. – we had the time and the money

E.Schuy. – ok we have two options here we could talk to him like a normal human being or we could add him to the group chat temporarily

J.Laur. – shouldn’t we ask gwash before adding random strangers to the group chat

E.Schuy. – well yeah but we’ve been talking for awhile and??

E.Schuy. – apparently he knows Alex is somehow so??

J.Laur. – so he’s a stranger who’s technically not a stranger

E.Schuy. – yeah!!

J.Laur – sounds great add him

E.Schuy. – woooo!!

**E.Schuy. added _[            ]_ to the chatroom**

_[             ]_ – hi is this it

E.Schuy. – yes hi this is Eliza we just met

 _[             ]_ – ok hi

J.Laur. – I forgot how creepy it looks when you don’t have a name in a chatroom holy starchmarks

 _[             ]_ – “holy starchmarks”?

J.Laur. – mr washingdad wont let us use swear words

 _[             ]_ – wait Washington?

J.Laur. – YEAH WHAT

 _[             ]_ – Professor Washington?

J.Laur. – yeAH????

J.Laur. – HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE

J.Laur. – THIS IS REALLY CREEPY

 _[             ]_ – I have a few classes with him and he runs the debate club its not that weird

J.Laur. – YOUR IN THE DEBATE CLUB LEX IS IN THE DEBATE CLUB

 _[             ]_ – I,,,

E.Schuy. – ANYWAY,,,,,,,

 _[             ]_ – wait should I give myself a username or would that imply that I’m staying in this chatroom longer than needed?

J.Laur. – GIVE YOURSELF A USERNAME PLEASE

J.Laur. – our group aesthetic is the first letter of your first name . first three or four letters of your last name

 _[             ]_ – Oh ok

**_[             ]_ changed their username to J.Mad.**

J.Mad. – ok now that’s done

E.Schuy. – help us

J.Mad. – where do you need to go again?

E.Schuy. – I was lost the entire time but john remembers

J.Laur. – we were in like the opposite end of the building and there was these weird aloe Vera plants lining the walls

J.Mad. –that place???

J.Mad. – but

J.Mad. – that’s on the opposite side of the building how did you get this far off????

E.Schuy. – we’ve learned its best not to ask questions about these sorts of things

J.Mad. – that sounds reasonable.

 

* * *

 

 

J.Laur. – WE MADE IT WE MADE IT WE MADE IT

J.Laur. – LAND HO I KISS the SWEET GROUND

J.Mad. – immediately erasing that image from my mind

E.Schuy. – TIME FOR BAGELS!!

J.Mad. – woah

J.Mad. – these are quality bagels holy

J.Mad. – uh Elizabeth,,,,

J.Mad. – you really don’t need to give me this many bagels

E.Schuy. – :) :)

J.Mad. – Elizabeth please I can’t carry this many bagels

E.Schuy. – :) :)

J.Mad. – I’m buried in bagels.

E.Schuy. – :) :)

J.Laur. – Eliza free him

E.Schuy. – Iiiiii’m not sooorrrryyyy

J.Laur. – Eliza no

E.Schuy. – Eliza yes

J.Mad. – please no

E.Schuy. – you have jacket pockets?

E.Schuy. – just put them in there

E.Schuy. – save them for later

J.Mad. – they aren’t big enough for SIXTEEN BAGELS

J.Laur. – this is the first time you’ve used capital letters

E.Schuy. – sounds like you need more bagels

J.Mad. – NO

J.Mad. – HELP

 

* * *

 

 

 

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – I SEE YOU MADE IT BACK ALIVE

E.Schuy. – our savior cannot say the same thing

A.Schuy. – how many

E.Schuy. – he left after twenty

A.Schuy. Eliza that’s too many even for you

E.Schuy. – also we added him to the gc

A.Schuy. – why???

E.Schuy. – why not

A.Schuy. – I

A.Schuy. – what time is it

E.Schuy. – I have no idea

E.Schuy. – when can we visit Hercules

A.Schuy. – tomorrow alex and I overstayed our welcome and got kicked out

A.Schuy. – but not before we hid two bagels under his hospital bed

E.Schuy. – and you say I have problems when it comes with giving people food

A.Schuy. – well,

E.Schuy. – I love you so much

A.Schuy. – <3

E.Schuy. – <3 <3

**P.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

P.Schuy. – <3 <3 <3

A.Schuy. – PEGS HOW DID YOU

E.Schuy. – PEGGY HOW

P.Schuy. – AND PEGGY

 

 

* * *

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

**……france. has entered the chatroom.**

**A.Burr. has entered the chatroom.**

…..france. –  I think I met the Schuyler sisters today

A.Burr. – what makes you say that

…..france. –  these two people were lost in the hospital and I helped them and then they started giving me bagels

…..france. –  So Many Bagels

A.Burr. – how many bagels

…..france. –  twenty

A.Burr. – that’s way too many bagels

…..france. –  I know

A.Burr. – ………do you still have them?

…..france. –  yes.

A.Burr. – brb coming over.

…..france. –   I

**A.Burr. has left the chatroom.**

…..france. –  I mean ok.

**……france. has left the chatroom.**

 

* * *

 

_ College Campus Squad™ Chatroom: _

  **A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – Peggy is back!!!!

A.Ham. – Oh, I’m the only one on here now

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – Alex its two am you need sleep

A.Ham. –  :^(

J.Laur. – Hercules may not be able to crash down your door and force you to take care of yourself but I sure can

A.Ham. – :^((

A.Ham. – fine

J.Laur. – !!!!

J.Laur. – :^)

A.Ham. –  :^)

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this chapter is a train wreck but oh well  
> I like bagels a lot can you tell
> 
> thanks for reading!
> 
> edit: I JUST REALIZED THAT JOHN BROUGHT 5 BAGELS WITH HIM IN THE LAST CHAPTER PLOT HOLE PLOT HOLE PLOT HOLE  
> I'm too lazy to fix it though so just assume he ate them all before he found Eliza


	5. We interupt this program to bring you: utter garbage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Punkdolley – should I play guess the brother on who that was  
> …….france – you would lose  
> Punkdolley – why’s that  
> …….france – it was my dad
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------  
> chapter also known as: I didn't know what to do for James Madison's birthday.

_ **INTERMISSION CHAPTER: ABSOLUTE TRASH** _

_Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom:_

  **Punkdolley has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – JAMES

Punkdolley – james

Punkdolley – jemmy

Punkdolley – J A M E S

**…….france has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – MY LOVE

Punkdolley – MY BEAUTIFUL PLATONIC HUSBAND

…….france – dolley no

Punkdolley – HAPPY BIRHHDAY YOU NEFD

…….france – no dolley it’s too early for this

Punkdolley – TODAY IS THE DAY YOU WERE BIRTHED

…….france – I know dolley I was there

Punkdolley – >:^(

…….france – please

…….france – I’m trying to save my stamina for my family

Punkdolley – they aren’t even going to be talking to you face to face you’re lucky

…….france – thirteen separate phone calls if I’m lucky, dolley.

…….france – ELEVEN SIBLINGS DOLLEY.

…….france – ELEVEN.

 

* * *

 

 

**.......france has entered the chatroom.**

.......france - it's nine oclock and I already can't handle this

**Punkdolley has entered the chatroom.**

…….france – I’ve already missed 5 calls I can’t live

Punkdolley – awwww they do love you

…….france – hahahahah that’s what you think

…….france – this is my curse I must suffer

…….france – at least some of them are straight and to the point

…….france – my most recent call was just: “happy birthday you little shit” and then he hung up

Punkdolley – should I play guess the brother on who that was

…….france – you would lose

Punkdolley – why’s that

…….france – it was my dad

Punkdolley – oh

**…….france has left the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – I’ll leave you to suffer

**Punkdolley has left the chatroom.**

 

* * *

 

 

**A.Burr. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – happy birth

…….france – thanks

A.Burr. – so how bad is it this year

…….france – not horrible but

…….france – Ambrose just rickrolled me and hung up

…….france – this is the third year in a row

A.Burr. – I see

…….france – francis is playing smash mouth into the speaker and I’m conflicted on how to react

A.Burr. – plan revenge.

…….france – yes good.

**A.Burr. has left the chatroom.**

**…….france has left the chatroom.**

 

* * *

 

 

**A.Burr. has entered the chatroom.**

**…….france has entered the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – are you ok you looked really dead inside when Prof. Washington said happy birthday in class

…….france – the years start coming and they don’t stop coming

…….france – Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

**A.Burr. has left the chatroom.**

…….france – I deserved that.

 

* * *

 

 

**Whatdidimiss has entered the chatroom.**

**…….france has entered the chatroom.**

Whatdidimiss – heyyyy

Whatdidimiss – SO

…….france – don’t

Whatdidimiss – HAPPY BIRTHDAY

…….france – ……..thank you

Whatdidimiss – would you be opposed to me bringing a cake into debate today

…….france – YES

…….france – EXTREMELY OPPOSED

Whatdidimiss – I’ll just have to settle for a public serenade then

…….france – you are not

Whatdidimiss –  ;^)

…….france – THOMAS

Whatdidimiss – ;^))

**Whatdidimiss has left the chatroom.**

…….france – THOMAS

 

* * *

 

 

…….france – isn’t it illegal to ship perishable items through UPS

**A.Burr. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – yes.

…….france – I think my parents are criminals now.

**A.Burr. has left the chatroom.**

…….france – I see how it is

 

* * *

 

**A.Burr. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – wait so how perished is the perishable

…….france – I think this used to be a cake

…….france – but right now it’s just a mass of glop

A.Burr. – is is it still edible

**…….france has left the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – I see how it is

 

* * *

 

 

**Punkdolley has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – we should throw a surprise party for james

Punkdolley – I’ll buy enough balloons to cover Mount Rushmore

…….france – wrong group chat dolley

**Punkdolley has left the chatroom.**

…….france – wait don't go

.......france - .......

**.......france has left the chatroom.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found out that it was jemmie's birthday, panicked, and wrote this up in like 5 seconds
> 
> I can feel our founding fathers turning in their graves


	6. Who is he?????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.Mad. – I think I may have come at at a bad time  
> E.Schuy. – nah, you’re just in time to here our Hamilton horror stories  
> J.Mad. – I
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> The chapter where I blatantly abuse the fact that Washington called Hamilton son like two times in the musical, and then the Schuylers talk about Hamilton's past sins. It's a bit different than it sounds.

 

 

**_ Chapter 6: Who is he???? _ **

**G.Wash. has created a private chatroom.**

**G.Wash has added A.Ham. to the chatroom.**

G.Wash. – Son, I’d like to talk to you privately for a moment.

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – SIR iS THIS ABOUT WHAT I SAID IN CLASS I DIDN’T MEAN IT IM SORRY DON’T EXPEL ME SIR

G.Wash. – No????

G.Wash. – What did you say in class?

A.Ham. – SIR NOTHING IMPORTANT SIR

G.Wash. – ……..

A.Ham. – sO!!!!

A.Ham. – WHAT ,,,,,ELSE,,,,,, WERE WE HERE FOR,,,,,

G.Wash. – you’re clearly trying to distract me

A.Ham. – YEP!!!!!!

G.Wash. – ………

G.Wash. – Anyway,

G.Wash. – You have seemed very distant lately.

A.Ham. – what

G.Wash. – Yes

A.Ham. – no

A.Ham. – Have I

G.Wash. – I know that I’m not the greatest at having these sorts of discussions, and I’m not saying that you have to talk to me about it, but you need to open up with someone who you can trust

A.Ham. – no

G.Wash. – son.

A.Ha. – I’m FINE!!!!

G.Wash. – son.

A.Ham. – I’m fine

G.Wash. – Son,

G.Wash. – with Hercules in the hospital, it would be very understandable for you look back on some unpleasant memories in your life

A.Ham. – I don’t need this

A.Ham. – You can’t tell how I feel about this

G.Wash. – That is true.

G.Wash. – I also cannot make things any better.

G.Wash. – Or even always know what is best for you.

G.Wash. – But I want to always be guiding you in the right direction.

A.Ham. – I just

A.Ham. – wow.

A.Ham. – I just didn’t

G.Wash. – ?

A.Ham. – I didn’t think I was being that obvious about it

G.Wash. – About what?

A.Ham. – about

A.Ham. – feeling like this

A.Ham. – It’s stupid.

A.Ham. – have I been this obvious for a while?

G.Wash. – Believe me, you’re not.

A.Ham. – but you knew though

G.Wash. – I have personal experience

A.Ham. – ………with me?

G.Wash. – yes, but mostly….

G.Wash. – with myself.

A.Ham. – ?

G.Wash. – I’ve tried to bottle up bad memories more once in the past

G.Wash. – It was not healthy, even if I thought it was the only way to cope.

G.Wash. – Son,

G.Wash. – sometimes putting on a brave face is necessary. But it is not a permanent solution, as much as we might with that it is

A.Ham. – I know

A.Ham. – I mean, I think I know

A.Ham. – but I can’t talk about it to anyone right now

G.Wash. – I can’t force you to do anything.

G.Wash. – but just remember that John and the Schuylers are always ready to talk to you as well

G.Wash. – As well as Martha and I

A.Ham. – I

A.Ham. – I’ll talk to John about it

A.Ham. – I’ll try anyway

G.Wash. – that is good to hear

A.Ham. – but I don’t want him to think that it’s his fault or anything

G.Wash. – then make sure he knows it’s not.

G.Wash. – communication is key,

G.Wash. – even if we don’t always want it to be.

A.Ham. – I’ll try

A.Ham. – bye, sir

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

G.Wash. – goodbye alexander

**G.Wash. has left the chatroom.**

 

* * *

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**G.Wash has entered the chatroom.**

G.Wash. – would anyone be willing to watch over Hamilton this weekend?

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

G.Wash. – Martha and I are going out of town for a while

A.Schuy. – Sorry, Eliza and I are booked this weekend

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – and I’ve already told all friends the horror stories about him, so they’re off the table

G.Wash. – understandable.

E.Schuy. – I have one friend who might be interested if you pay her

G.Wash. – we’re not that desperate yet, but we might be in a few hours.

G.Wash. – Is she alright with Hamilton’s,,, aggressive behavior?

**J.Mad. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – I told her about the time he killed the neighbor’s dog, and she said she’s seen worse

G.Wash. – If she agrees, could you send her my number so we can make arrangements?

E.Schuy. – Yep!!!

**G.Wash has left the chatroom.**

J.Mad. – I think I may have come at at a bad time

E.Schuy. – nah, you’re just in time to here our Hamilton horror stories

J.Mad. – I

J.Mad. – I can see that

J.Mad. – you said he killed the neighbor’s dog

E.Schuy. – yep

E.Schuy. – it was a small dog

A.Schuy. – it happened right in front of our baby cousin’s eyes

E.Schuy. – he had an interesting lesson in mortality that day

J.Mad. – He????? Killed the neighbor’s dog??????

E.Schuy. – he’s very territorial, I guess

J.Mad. – ????????

A.Schuy. – also,

A.Schuy. – he really doesn’t like it when I wear high heels for some reason he always scratches my legs when I wear them

A.Schuy. – maybe he thinks that they’re bear claws or something

J.Mad. – ?????????????

E.Schuy. – he always glares at me when I wear white

E.Schuy. – he’ll let me come near him when I wear anything else I swear he just hates white

J.Mad. – ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

E.Schuy. – one time Mrs. Washington set a glass of wine on the counter and he jumped up on the counter and drank some of it

E.SChuy. – he probably should have died but he somehow was fine

E.Schuy. – but he couldn’t walk straight for a solid hour though

A.Schuy. – Whenever alexander sits on the couch he jumps on his head and makes a little nest out of his hair

J.Mad. – wait

J.Mad. – wait you just said alexander

A.Schuy. – yeah?? I don’t call him Alex a lot, that’s more of a Laurens thing

A.Schuy. – wait a minute

E.Schuy. – wait a minute

A.Schuy. – do you know that we’re

E.Schuy. – You know we’re talking about the Washington’s cat, right?

A.Schuy. – They have a cat named after Alexander it’s called Hamilton

J.Mad. – I,,

J.Mad. – I can’t believe this

A.Schuy. – oh dear

E.Schuy. – oh fick

J.Mad. – I DID NOT KNOW THAT

J.Mad. – EVERYTHING MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW

A.Schuy. – did you actually think he

J.Mad. – YES

E.Schuy. – oh dear

A.Schuy. – that’s amazing

A.Schuy. – so how did I feel to think that Alexander had killed the neighbor’s dog in front of our baby cousin, gotten drunk off of a sip of wine, and tried to attack my legs every time I wore heels

**J.Mad. has left the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – I see.

E.Schuy. – insightful.

 

* * *

 

**A.Ham. has created a private chatroom.**

**A.Ham. has added J.Laur. to the chatroom.**

**A.Ham. has named the chatroom:** _ We need to talk I don’t want to but we need to _

A.Ham. – hahahahhaha

A.Ham. – never mind I can’t do this to you im sorrry

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – ?

J.Laur. – lex are you ok

J.Laur. – …..

J.Laur. – I’ll come back later

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was very out of character I'm sorry  
> So I'm not stopping this I can't stop now but  
> I still want to apologize to our founding fathers for this royal mess
> 
> Edit: A COUPLE OF SECONDS AGO THIS FIC HIT 666 HITS AND I FIND THIS TO BE A MONUMENTOUS OCCATION (it immediately went up to 667 afterwards, but it was a good 3 seconds)


	7. poisson d'avril

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A.Schuy. – I’m so salty why does laf write letters to you but not the rest of us  
> G.Wash. – are you alright?  
> G.Wash. – you should drink some water  
> A.Schuy. – it’s an expression
> 
> \---------------------------------------------------------------  
> It's april fools day and a lot of stuff happens bear with me

_**Chapter 7: Poisson d'Avril** _

_We need to talk I don’t want to but we need to Chatroom: _

**J.Laur.has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – ok Lex it’s been a week and I haven’t heard from you at all so

J.Laur. – if there’s something you need to tell me like???

J.Laur. – spill

J.Laur. – am I like intimidating you or something

J.Laur. – because if I am I’m sorry I’m just concerned

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

 

* * *

 

_ College Campus Squad™ Chatroom: _

**G.Wash. has entered the chatroom.**

G.Wash. – I just received a letter from Lafayette from France

G.Wash. – he says he is doing well, but misses everyone here

G.Wash. – he says he may choose to come back early and continue to study in America

G.Wash. – he also is gushing about how he planned for the letter to arrive today

G.Wash. – does anyone know what “Poisson d’ Avril” is?

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – I’m so salty why does laf write letters to you but not the rest of us

G.Wash. – are you alright?

G.Wash. – you should drink some water

A.Schuy. – it’s an expression

G.Wash. – ah, I see

G.Wash. – I am not sure if Lafayette has everyone’s addresses

G.Wash. – if he wrote to only the one’s whose addresses he knows, perhaps he fears the rest of you would feel left out

**H.Mull. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – I’m still salty but I guess that makes sense

H.Mull. – L A F Y ETTE

H.Mull. – I MISS

A.Schuy. – HERCULES ARE YOU OK

H.Mull. – NO

H.Mull. – I MISS LAF

H.Mull. – HE MUST RETURRN FROM WAR

G.Wash. – I see they let you have your phone back

H.Mull. – yes!!!!

H.Mull. – FINALLY!!!!!

H.Mull. – I MISS ALL OF YOU IT’S SO BORING HERE

A.Schuy. – SHOULD I COME VISIT

H.Mull. – YES

A.Schuy. – I AM HOPPING IN MY CAR AS WE SPEAK

H.Mull. –  C O M E

A.Schuy. – ZOOM ZOOM

G.Wash. – drive carefully

**A.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

H.Mull. – MY SAVIOR

G.Wash. – I looked up poisson d avril and apparently it’s the French version of April fools

G.Wash. – I wonder how he managed to get the letter to arrive on time

H.Mull. – there is nothiNG IN THIS WORLD THAT LAF CAN’T DO

G.Wash. – I think you need to lie down

H.Mull. – nzO

G.Wash. – I have no idea what you just said

 

* * *

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-repubs Chatroom: _

**Punkdolley has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – haha so

**……france has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – so you know that picture of Founding Father Christopher Jackson in the main hall of the library

……france – please tell me you didn’t

Punkdolley – its not there anymore

……france – I am going to kill you

Punkdolley – I may have replaced it…….

……france – please no

Punkdolley – with a mounted picture of Professor Adams dabbing from that one time he got drunk on campus

……france – ONE APRIL FOOLS DAY

……france – I ASK FOR  O N E  APRIL FOOLS DAY WHERE YOU DON’T DEFACE PUBLIC PROPERTY

Punkdolley –  ……

Punkdolley –  ………………..

Punkdolley – ………help me switch them back tonight?

**……france has left the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – #betrayed

 

* * *

 

 

_ We need to talk I don’t want to but we need to Chatroom: _

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – JOHN

A.Ham. – NONONO IT’S NOTHING LIKE THAT

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – OK GOOD BC I WAS WORRIED

J.laur. – LIKE ONE WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER A YEAR NOW AND TWO

J.Laur. – HAVE YOU SEEN ME????

A.Ham. – to be fair when you’re angry you can be kinda intimidating

A.Ham. – but not to mE just other ppl

J.Laur. – thank goodness golly

J.Laur. – I TRY TO BE INTIMIDATING BUT

J.Laur. – NOT TO ~~YOU~~ MAN

A.Ham. – thank

A.Ham. – also “thank goodness golly”

A.Ham. – you do realize this is a private chat gwash isn’t here to stop us from swearing

J.Laur. –I’m so used to holding it in idk if I can let it go

A.Ham. – let it go~~~

A.Ham. – cant hold it back anymore~~~~

J.Laur. – LETS SWEAR ON THREE

A.Ham. – OK OK HERE IT GOES

J.Laur. – ONE

A.Ham. – TWO

J.Laur. – TWO AND A HALF

A.Ham. – THREE

J.Laur. – THREE

A.Ham. –  F UC K

J.Laur. – H O T  B E L GIA N  W  AF FL  ES

A.Ham. – ………

A.Ham. – Ive been betrayed

J.Laur. – to be fair I did scream hot Belgian waffles in real life too

J.Laur. – my roommate is terrified

A.Ham. –woah

* * *

 

**Unknown Number:** Is this the number of James Madison

**You:** yes

**You:** who is this?

**Unknown Number:** This is Mr. Adams.

**You:** oh

**You:** is there any reason in particular for contacting me?

**Prof Adams:** yes, actually.

**Prof Adams:** it has come to my attention that your friend was involved in defacing a public image with slander to my position.

**You:** oh my god wait

**Prof Adams:** please tell your friend to remove that picture from the main hall.

**You:** I will I will oh god forgive her please

**Prof Adams:** tell her I can and will go to court over this.

**Prof Adams:** but if it gets taken care of immediately I won’t press into it.

**You:** yes I am handling it as we speak please please don’t do anything please

 

* * *

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

**P.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

P.Schuy. – :) :) :)

E.Schuy. – :) :)

E.Schuy. – R EV EN GE

P.Schuy. – ???

E.Schuy. – I’M GOING TO PRANK MY DORM’S KITCHEN

P.Schuy. – W H Y

P.Schuy. – whAT ARE YOU GUNNA DO

E.Schuy. – so I buy cranberry juice a lot right

P.Schuy. – yeah???

E.Schuy. – whenever I buy cranberry juice and put it in the fridge someone always drinks like the whole container

E.Schuy. – even though I specifically label it as mine

P.Schuy. – that’s like a public crime om

E.Schuy. – YES

E.Schuy. – but TODAY

E.Schuy. – I GET REVENGE

P.Schuy. – :0 :0 :0

P.Schuy. – WHAT U GINNA DO

E.Schuy. – I filled a container of cranberry juice with tomato juice

E.Schuy. – There Will Be Suffering

E.Schuy. – :) :)

E.Schuy. – I am a villain

P.Schuy. – truly

P.Schuy. – you are the most evil of all of us

E.Schuy. – ;) ;)

 

* * *

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-repubs Chatroom: _

**……france has entered the chatroom.**

……france –  Dolley you have to switch it back right now I am serious.

**A.Burr. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – what did she do this time

……france – scroll up

A.Burr. – uh ok

A.Burr. – …

A.Burr. – …..sweet jesus

……france – PROF ADAMS FOUND OUT AND CONTACTED ME BECASUE I GUESS HE COULDN’T GET HER NUMBER

A.Burr. – wait seriously

……france – HE IS GOING TO KILL US ALL

A.Burr. – this is by far the worst thing dolley has done and that’s taking into consideration all of her other crimes

……france – why are we still friends with her

A.Burr. – well

A.Burr. – she does make a really good cake

……france – the benefits do not outweigh the costs

A.Burr. – true

 

* * *

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

E.Schuy. – THE CRANBERRY STEALER HAS BEEN CAUGHT!!!

E.Schuy. – woah she’s hot

P.Schuy. – :0

E.Schuy. – she kinda looks like you though???

P.Schuy. – PICTURES

**E.Schuy. sent a photo.**

P.Schuy. – WOAH

P.Schuy. – IT’S A LITTLE HARD TO TELL BC SHE’S DOUBLED OVER VOMITING BUT

P.Schuy. – YOU’RE RIGHT

P.Schuy. – maybe she’s my long lost twin

E.Schuy. – I apologized for the prank and she’s like “it’s ok I deserved it”

E.Schuy. – SHE LOOKS SO SAD I FEEL BAD NOW REMIND ME WHY I DID THIS

P.Schuy. – she stole your cranberry juice

E.Schuy. – oh, right

E.Schuy. – …

E.Schuy. – one conversation and now I know apparently we have a mutual connection through aaron burr

E.Schuy. – I’M TAKING HER OUT FOR COFFEE NOW THIS IS GREAT

P.Schuy. – WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS MYSTERIOUS WOMAN

E.Schuy. – she said Maria Reynolds, then doubled over and like corrected herself into saying Maria Lewis

E.Schuy. – maybe she’s like newly married?

P.Schuy. – or divorced

E.Schuy. – hush

E.Schuy. – oh wait your right she just said she’s newly divorced

P.Schuy. – why are you texting while talking

E.Schuy. – hush hush

 

* * *

 

_ We need to talk I don’t want to but we need to Chatroom: _

J.Laur. – so you said we need to talk?

A.Ham. – uh yeah

A.Ham. – but I think I need another day

J.Laur. – you’ve had a week

A.Ham. – I know but like most of it was spent hiding from my emotions now im going to tackle then head on

J.Laur. – I mean ok but I’m holding you accountable

A.Ham. –  t y

A.Ham. – OH MY FIJFIAOJFIOEAFJ

J.Laur. – WHAT

A.Ham. – SO I’M WALKING BY THE LIBRARY RIGHT

J.Laur. – ok???

A.Ham. –  I JUST WALKED IN AND I’M SCREAMING YOU NEED TO SEE THIS

J.Laur. – whAT???

A.Ham. – MAIN HALL. NOW. BRING CAMERA.

J.Laur. – WHY

A.Ham. – SOMONE STOLE THE PICTURE OF CHRISTOPHER JACKSON AND REPLACED IT WITH THE GREATEST IMAGE I’VE SEEN I’M SCREAMING

J.Laur. – I’M COMG I’M COMGING I’M COMING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poisson d'Avril is a real thing I think unless all my French teachers have been lying to me for the past five years
> 
> It means April Fish Day.......yeah
> 
> Also, Dolley's prank is a reference to the fact that Dolley Madison actually saved a painting of George Washington from the burning down president's house once according to some records haha
> 
> Also, Lafayette will be an actual real character when I figure out how to right him in a respectful way so bear with me
> 
> John screaming hot Belgian waffles is a shameless reference to Gravity Falls
> 
> I hate swearing irl so writing this chapter with burr saying sweet jesus was really uncomfortable but it seemed like a realistic reaction so sorry about that


	8. "Jerry"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.Laur. – I’m pretty sure that you aren’t tainting anyone by openly expressing emotions  
> A.Ham. – …..  
> A.Ham. – that’s a good argument  
> A.Ham. – can I quote you on that the next time I talk to Aaron Burr
> 
> \-------------------------------------------------------  
> Jerry is finally brought up again. Honestly, you can skip this chapter, my writing is embarrassing.

**_ Chapter 8: “Jerry” _ **

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – so

E.Schuy. – alexander

E.Schuy. – I think it’s time we discussed…….

E.Schuy. – the elephant in the room

E.Schuy. – or should I say

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – the cockroach in the room

E.Schuy. – bc he can’t stay

A.Schuy. – I Agree With Eliza

A.Schuy. – then again, I pretty much always agree with Eliza

E.Schuy. – <3 <3

A.Schuy. – <3

A.Schuy. – so like

A.Schuy. – we can’t really get this intervention started until alexander gets on

E.Schuy. – uggghhhhh

E.Schuy. – >:( >:(

A.Schuy. - you know

A.Shuy. – It’s a little concerning

E.Schuy. - yeah

A.Schuy. – he hasn’t even been on to complain about Prof Adams or someone from debate or just in general in

A.Schuy. – has it already been a week?

A.Schuy. – I really have been goooone lately

E.Schuy. – are you doing ok Angie???

A.Schuy. – yeah yeah I’m fine just busy

E.Schuy. – me too tbh

E.Schuy. – we need a better way to keep tabs on Alexander

E.Schuy. – he needs to socialize soon or I might just kick his door down and find out what he’s been doing in there

A.Schuy. – no don’t do that you’ll break a toe

E.Schuy. – I’VE DONE IT ONCE I CAN DO IT AGAIN

A.Schuy. – might I propose

A.Schuy. – we just use a really big chainsaw instead

E.Schuy. – yes

E.Schuy. – that is acceptable

 

* * *

 

_ We need to talk I don’t want to but we need to Chatroom: _

_**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.** _

A.Ham. – sO

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – it’s been a day now and I guess

A.Ham. – I guess we’re doing this

A.Ham.  – this is a thing???

J.Laur. – this is a thingy thing

A.Ham. – I

A.Ham. – I just want you to know that like I don’t want anyone to think that this is their fault

A.Ham. – but like you might not even come to that conclusion anyway so like???? I don’t know why I’m so scared that you will I just really really don’t want to hurt anybody John

J.Laur. – relax relax it’s ok

J.Laur. – lex

J.Laur. – what’s eatin ya

A.Ham. – idk so like gwash told me that talking things out with people is supposed to be good and

A.Ham. – I guess I just feel like in regards to this you might understand the best??

A.Ham. – I’m sorry

J.Laur. – ok first tell me what’s wrong

J.Laur. – then I’ll decide if it warrants an apology

J.Laur. – but I doubt it will bc I trust you

A.Ham. – kfewifjeiofjefefjie

A.Ham. – STOP BEING SO NICE YOUR MAKING THIS HARDER

A.Ham. – you’re so precious

A.Ham. – I don’t wanna taint anyone with my weirdness

J.Laur. – I’m pretty sure that you aren’t tainting anyone by openly expressing emotions

A.Ham. – …..

A.Ham. – that’s a good argument

A.Ham. – can I quote you on that the next time I talk to Aaron Burr

J.Laur. – BACK ON TOPIC

A.Ham. – hhhhh

A.Ham. – so

A.Ham. – how should I start this

J.Laur. – idk what’s making you so uncomfortable

A.Ham. – hOW DO YOU TALK AB YOUR FEELINGS IT’S SO HARD

J.Laur. – should we not do this over text???

A.Ham. – no no if I do it in person I’ll have to look you in the face and that’ll make it worse

A.Ham. – ok fine I’ll just

A.Ham. – spill it out I guess

A.Ham. – so

A.Ham. – with herc in the hospital I just have been thinking a lot

A.Ham. – about last year

A.Ham. – and how whenever people end up in the hospital it feels like it’s my fault

A.Ham. – and with you I couldn’t even cope I just threw myself into work until Eliza dragged me out

J.Laur. – D U D E

J.Laur. – B U D D Y

J.Laur. – FRIENDO

J.Laur. – what happened last year wasn’t your fault???

A.Ham. –idk if I believe that

J.Laur. – !!!!!!!

J.Laur. – BUT LEX!!!

A.Ham. – I mean

A.Ham. – I know that I didn’t deliberately do anything but

A.Ham. – I let you get into that fight

J.Laur. – BUT L E X!!!!

J.Laur. - WE WERE NEW FRIENDS YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO AND

J.Laur. - IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER

J.Laur. – you were D R U N K

A.Ham. – I know but

J.Laur. – I was D R U N K

A.Ham. – but john

J.Laur. – everyone was D R U N K

A.Ham. – just

J.Laur. – even the guy that shot me was D R U N K

J.Laur. – You couldn’t have known that the guy had a gun

A.Ham. – just let me finish

J.Laur. – even the guy’s buddies didn’t know he had a gun

J.Laur. – IDK IF ~THE GUY~ EVEN KNEW HE HAD A GUN

A.Ham. – I KNOW JOHN

A.Ham. – WE’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE

A.Ham. – I JUST

A.Ham. – just

A.Ham. - I'm sorry

A.Ham. - I should stop

A.Ham. – I don’t know what I really wanted to gain from this

A.Ham. – I guess I just wanted to rant to you

J.Laur. – sorry

A.Ham. – don’t apologize I brought it up

A.Ham. – I probably shouldn’t have

J.Laur. – go ahead and rant buddy

J.Laur. – If it bothers you, than you shouldn’t have to just let it sit there and get bigger

A.Ham. – I’m laughing that’s like

J.Laur. – ????

A.Ham. – that’s like 900% of what gwash told me too

A.Ham. – ok its just

A.Ham. – how do you do it?

J.Laur. – >:?

A.Ham. – you always just seem so

A.Ham. – ok with it

A.Ham. – that we let you get into the fight that got you shot

J.Laur. – are you kidding

J.Laur. – well, sure I’m ok with it now but

J.Laur. – at first I was so angry at like

J.Laur. – the whole world

J.Laur. – you remember

J.Laur. – It was only after being cooped up in a hospital bed for those months

J.Laur. – when I thought it through

J.Laur. – and figured myself out

A.Ham. – ?

J.Laur. – you know,

J.Laur. – I figured out that there was no one to blame for it

J.Laur. – bar fights are fun and I frankly don’t regret getting involved in them

J.Laur. – but I’m getting better at being responsible for myself since the situation happened

J.Laur. – because I’m learning just how important looking after yourself is

J.Laur. – for everyone else’s sake

A.Ham. – that was deep

A.Ham. – deeper than the dark abyss of my cold dead heart

J.Laur. – OH SORRY

J.Laur. – I got too philosophical

J.Laur. – and drowned you out again

A.Ham. – no

A.Ham. – I think I needed to hear that

A.Ham. – you’re amazing John

J.Laur. – thanks but

J.Laur. – keep going with your original train of thought

A.Ham. – I don’t even know if I can stop if I continue

J.Laur. – we’ll worry about that when we get to it

A.Ham. – I don’t really know how to feel about it

A.Ham. – I feel like someone should be responsible but

A.Ham. – maybe you’re right

A.Ham. – I felt

A.Ham. – just so powerless

A.Schuy. – I guess I’ve always been kind of powerless in theory

A.Ham. – like first my mom died

A.Ham. – and I couldn’t save her

J.Laur. – oh no

J.Laur. – is this what this is about

A.Ham. – no!!

A.Ham. – I mean

A.Ham. – not fully

J.Laur. – >:?

A.Ham. – I’m just starting to notice a pattern

A.Ham. – I get relaxed, do something reckless

A.Ham. – and then someone I care about ends up in the hospital

A.Ham. – then I just

A.Ham. – have to try to keep on floating

A.Ham. – while everyone else is sinking

A.Ham. – and I just keep losing important people and replacing them with new ones

A.Ham. – because for some reason I just can’t exist by myself

A.Ham. – and I don’t even know why I keep on floating so I just keep working to keep myself afloat

A.Ham. – even if I just kind of want to sink

A.Ham. – I’m sorry

A.Ham. – I don’t even know if this makes sense

J.Laur. – it seems like

J.Laur. – a partial metaphor??

A.Ham. – I guess

J.Laur. – how do you feel now?

A.Ham. – kind of tired

A.Ham. – I’m still worried

A.Ham. – you made a full recovery

A.Ham. – Hercules’ injury isn’t serious, and he’ll be fine

A.Ham. – but still a lot of people have gotten hurt because of me and I get the feeling a lot more will

J.Laur. – that’s

J.Laur. – yeah that’s pretty heavy

J.Laur. – I mean I can’t promise you everything but

J.Laur. – I don’t think the chances of everyone dying are as high in this day and age as it feels

A.Ham. – statistics aren’t really all that reassuring

A.Ham. – destiny has a way with me

J.Laur. – :(

A.Ham. – this just got very depressing fff

A.Ham. – maybe you were right

A.Ham. – this is a conversation better had in person

J.Laur. – I mean only if you’re up for it

J.Laur. – I’m not going to force you to talk if you’re already exhausted of this

A.Ham. – I am pretty tired

A.Ham. – can you just

A.Ham. – come over anyway?

J.Laur. – yeah yeah of course I’ll head over

A.Ham. – john

J.Laur. – yah?

A.Ham. – thanks for not dying on me last year

J.Laur. – no problem

J.Laur. – I can be there in five minutes if you want me sweaty and maybe like fifteen if I walk

A.Ham. – zoom zoom

J.Laur. – I’ll be there in five

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

 

* * *

 

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

E.Schuy. – angie are you ok you stopped texting back

A.Schuy. – Y E S

A.Schuy. – I’VE COME TO A REALIZATION

E.Schuy. – what

A.Schuy. – WE’RE THE POWERPUFF GIRLs

E.Schuy. – W  H A T

E.Schuy. – how

E.Schuy. – why

E.Schuy. – when

E.Schuy. – where

A.Schuy. – HEAR ME OUT

A.Schuy. – your bubbles, your fav color is blue and you’re sweet and kind

A.Schuy. – Peggy is buttercup bc she can fight and rebel against society and sometimes I fear her

A.Schuy. – NAD I’M BLOSSOM BC????? EXTRAS

E.Schuy. – I KIND OF SEE it NOW

E.Schuy. – I guess we know what our next Halloween costume is going to be

A.Schuy. – WE COULD FIGHT CRIME!!

E.Schuy. – ok but who would everyone else be

A.Schuy. – Alexander could be the professor, accidentally creating life and almost marrying a million different people throughout the course of the show

E.Schuy. – ewwww that would make him our father

A.Schuy. – true true that won’t work

**G.Wash. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – ehllo mr. washington

A.Schuy. – hi gwash what’s the occasion

G.Wash. – well

G.Wash. – I just saw John Laurens sprinting down the street in what looked like a turtle onesie with a carton of ice cream under his arm

G.Wash. – does anybody know what’s going on?

A.Schuy. - J OHN

A.Schuy. – SMH THAT BACK STABBING TURTLE

E.Schuy. – ????

A.Schuy. – I BET HE’S HAVING AN IMPROMPTU MOVIE NIGHT WITHOUT US SMH

E.Schuy. – BUT ANGIE

E.Schuy. – IT CAN’T BE A MOVIE NIGHT

E.Schuy. – IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY

A.Schuy. – WELL

A.Schuy. – THAT DIDN’T STOP US WHEN PEGGY GOT HER BRACES IN DID IT??

E.Schuy. – ,,,,,

A.Schuy. – AM I WRONG

E.Schuy. – >:/ >:/

A.Schuy. – AM I WRONG

E.Schuy. - !!!!!

A.Schuy. - e???

E.Schuy. – OH CRAP CRAP

A.Schuy. – ???

E.Schuy. - I JUST LOOKED AT THE CLOCK AND

E.Schuy. – I HAVE A LECUTURE IN TEN MINUETES

E.Schuy. - I HAVE TO SPRINT

A.Schuy. – RUN RUN RUN

A.Schuy. - so

A.Schuy. – I guess that means we can’t jump alexander and give him the Jerry intervention when he gets on here

E.Schuy. – I guess not

E.Schuy. – the cockroach will live another day

E.Schuy. – but mark my words, I will best him yet

**E.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – E L I Z A

A.Schuy. – that was intense like

A.Schuy. – eliza schuyler: vampire hunter

A.Schuy. – it’s cannon

G.Wash. – …..

A.Schuy. – so

G.Wash. – well

G.Wash. – that was interesting

A.Schuy. – yeah

G.Wash. – I

G.Wash. – I’m just going to leave now

**G.Wash. has left the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – bye gwash

**A.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol sorry 
> 
> why are you guys still reading this I'm ashamed of myself


	9. #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> …france – it’s not blasphemy unless you’re a god  
> …france – it’s not treason unless you’re a king  
> Whatdidimiss – I AM BOTH AND I DEMAND AN APOLOGY 
> 
> \----------------------------------------------------------  
> I accidentally wrote this chapter all in one day and it's the longest one yet so I think it might bleed over in to the next one too but I think it makes sense to cut it off here

**_Chapter 9:_** **_#JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD:_**

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

**Whatdidimiss has entered the chatroom.**

**…france has entered the chatroom.**

…france – gm

Whatdidimiss – #conflicted

…france – what

…france – why

Whatdidimiss – so I pulled another all-nighter and

…france – WHAT

…france – tHOMAS

Whatdidimiss – I’M OSRRY OK

Whatdidimiss – IT WAS IMPORTANT

…france – YOU CAN’t FUCKN DO THIS

Whatdidimiss – I T W AS A MI S TAKE

…france – I can’t believe

…france – you’re actually Alexander Hamilton now

Whatdidimiss –  E X C U SE M E

Whatdidimiss – HOW COULD YoU ACCUSE ME OF BEING MY ENEMY

…france – like this:

…france – easily

Whatdidimiss – BLASPHOMY

Whatdidimiss – BETRAYAL

Whatdidimiss – TREASON

…france – w r on g

…france – it’s not blasphemy unless you’re a god

…france – it’s not treason unless you’re a king

Whatdidimiss – I AM BOTH AND I DEMAND AN APOLOGY

…france – reluctantly forgiven

Whatdidimiss – THAT IS NOT AN APOLOGY

Whatimiss – but

Whatdidimiss – nayway

Whatdidimiss – s0

…france – already regretting my forgiveness

Whatdidimiss – jaMES

Whatdidimiss – DoN’T INTERUPT STORY TIME

…france – continue.

Whatdidimiss – !!!

Whatdidimiss – SO.

Whatdidimiss – I’m conflicted bc

Whatdidimiss – they’re giving out free coffees at the library again

Whatdidimiss – and

…france – the answer is already no.

Whatdidimiss – BUT CAFFEINE IS Supposed TO BE GOOD FOR OVER NIGHTERS

Whatdidimiss – AND I’M SUPer tired

…france – you KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRINK COFFEE

Whatdidimiss – IT’LL BE WORTH IT

…france – IT WILL NOT

**A.Burr. as entered the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – WHY ARE YOU SENDING IN NOTIFICATIONS TO MY OHONE AT FOUR IN THE MORNING

Whatdidimiss – IT’S FOUR IN THE MORNING??

…france – it’S FOUR IN THE MORNING??

A.Burr. – I JUST READ ABOVE AND NO THOMAS

Whatdidimiss – whaht

A.Burr. – DO NOT DRINK THE COFFEE

Whatdidimiss – hahahah

Whatdidimiss – hehehe

Whatdidimiss – hee hee hee

Whatdidimiss – ho ho ho

A.Burr. – DO N O T

Whatdidimiss – too late :^)

A.Burr. – W H A T

…france – thOMAS

A.Burr. – WHY

Whatdidimiss – IT WAS SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME

Whatdidimiss – AND I WALKED UP AND THEN

Whatdidimiss – COULDN’T JUST WALK AWAY THAT WOULD BE WEIRD

…france – thoMAS YOU ARE GOINg to dIE

Whatdidimiss – nO

Whatdidimiss – MAYBE I’LL BUILD UP A RESISTANCE

…france – thaT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS

A.Burr. – IT IS FOUR IN THE MORNING

A.Burr. – I’M GOING BACK TO SLEEP

**Punkdolley has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – Y’ALL WOKE ME UP

A.Burr. – oh no

Whatdidimiss – oh no

Punkdolley – SO Y’ALL GUNNA S T A Y U P

Whatdidimiss – fine by me I can’t sleep anymore

…france – fine by me I wasn’t sleeping anyway

A.Burr. – I wasn’t even part of this don’t rope me into this

Punkdolley – that’s what u think u little burritch

A.Burr. – what

**Punkdolley has left the chatroom.**

…france – DOLLEY I

…france – I just heard the sound of sprinting outside my dorm room

…france – dolley lives in the room next to me

A.Burr. – W H A T

…france – I hear war cries

…france – I hope you have strong doors over at your dorm

A.Burr. – I AM AFRAID

 

* * *

 

 

A.Burr. – SHE IS BANGNING ON MY DOOR

**A.Burr. has left the chatroom.**

**Punkdolley has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – feel the burrn

 

* * *

 

 

Punkdolley – has aaron always been this ticklish on his thighs

…france – I

Whatdidimiss – WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT WOULD MAKE YOU DISCOVER THAT

…france – ^^

Punkdolley – EWWW

Punkdolley – NO IT’S NOT LIKE T H A T

Whatdidimiss – E X P L A I N

Punkdolley – STORY TIME

Punkdolley – so like I was yelling outside his apartment and he let me in bc he didn’t want his neighbors to be angry on the condition that we could only wrestle quietly

Punkdolley – and he was on top of me so my hand brushed his thigh and he just started laughing rlly hard

Punkdolley – and I was like “what is going on” but I did it again and he just collapsed into a fit of laughter until I had mercy

…france – ok but

…france – Dolley

…france – you’re a champion weight lifter

…france – HOW DID HE GET ON TOP OF YOU

Punkdolley – all of my best moves would make too much noise so I had to let him win

…france – excuses excuses

**A.Burr. has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – sHUt

A.Burr. – STOP EXPOSING ME

Whatdidimiss – I AM TAKING AVANTAGE OF THIS LATER

A.Burr. – N O

…france –are you still wrestling

A.Burr. – no

Punkdolley – we’re just gently papping each other’s faces now bc we’re too distracted texting

Punkdolley – BUT

A.Burr. – dolLLEY what are you doing why are you moving

Punkdolley – NOT FOR LONG

A.Burr. – N O

Punkdolley – Y E S

A.Burr. –s AGHFJF

Punkdolley – OM EVEN BETTER

A.Burr. – STOP STOP OSOTPO

Punkdolley – HIS HIPS ARE EVEN MORE TICKLISH

Punkdolley – THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

…france – I

Punkdolley – aaron has ticklish hip bones pass it on

Whatdidimiss – really

A.Burr. – ON

…france – what

Whatdidimiss – ???

A.Burr. – **NO**

Punkdolley – aaron has ticklish hip bones pass it on

Punkdolley – aaron has ticklish hip bones pass it on

…france – I

A.Burr. – NO

Punkdolley – :^)

A.Burr. – THIS FACT DOES NOT LEAVE OUR INNER CIRCLE

Punkdolley – aaron has ticklish hip bones pass it on

…france – are you just hitting copy-paste a million times bc your too bus focusing on wrestling

Punkdolley – aaron has ticklish hip bones pass it on

…france – I’m taking that as a yes

Punkdolley – aaron has ticklish hip bones pass it on

…france – I mean ok

A.Burr. – N O

A.Burr. – DON’T DO IT

Punkdolley – aaron has ticklish hip bones pass it on

…france – sorry aaron dolley scares me more than you

A.Burr. – DO NO T

**…france has left the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – WHERE ARE YOU GOING

 

* * *

 

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – FIVE AM

A.Schuy. – who else is awake rn

**E.Schuy has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – I am awake Angie hi

A.Schuy. – :)

E.Schuy. – :) :)

A.Schuy. – has Peggy texted you at all recently

E.Schuy. – no?

E.Schuy. – has she texted you?

A.Schuy. – no it’s weird

A.Schuy. – she’s been acting really quiet

E.Schuy. – that’s not good

**J.Mad. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Mad. – Aaron Burr has ticklish hip bones pass it on

**J.Mad. has left the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – ???

A.Schuy. – ???

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. –  H I

A.Ham. – I smelled gossip and woke

A.Schuy. – hoW???

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – he woke me up

J.Laur. – I’m awake now hi

A.Schuy. – JoOHN

A.Schuy. – EXPLAIN YOURSELF

J.Laur. – ???

A.Schuy. – Gwash saw you running down the street in a turtle suit yesterday and

A.Schuy. – we were all confused

A.Schuy. – where did you g O

J.Laur. – oH

A.Ham. – OH HE WAS SPRINTING TO MY DORM

J.Laur. – yeah I ended up staying the night

J.Laur. – why

A.Schuy. – I mean that’s ok but

A.Schuy. – I’m still salty

J.Laur. – ???

A.Schuy. – I’m v angry

J.Laur. – WH Y

A.Schuy. – BC I WANT A DISTRACTION TOO

A.Schuy. –WHY WEREN’T WE INVITED

J.Laur. – oH

J.Laur. – SORRY

A.Ham. – we have left over ice cream if you want some??

A.Schuy. – YES

A.Schuy. – THAT IS SATISFACTORY

A.Schuy. – when do I come over

A.Ham. – NOW IF YOU WANT

A.Schuy. – I’LL COME

J.Laur. – WHAT AB ELIZA

A.Ham. – SHE CAN COME TOO

A.Ham. – COME AND MEET JERRY

A.Ham. – FORM A TRUCE

E.Schuy. – I

E.Schuy. – Why

A.Ham. – bc john has accepted Jerry but you haven’t yet

E.Schuy. – John have you met Jerry

J.Laur. – yes

J.Laur. – Jerry has taught me an important lesson in love and tolerance

E.Schuy. – what

J.Laur. – Jerry is love, Jerry is life

A.Schuy. – DO NOT BRING BACK THAT MEME

E.Schuy. – has alexander brainwashed you john

A.Ham. – what

J.Laur. – I’M

J.Laur. – SURE

J.Laur. – LET’S MAKE A HASHTAG

J.Laur. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

A.Ham. – WHAT

E.Schuy. – WHAT

A.Schuy. – WHAT

E.Schuy. – It’s too early for this

A.Schuy. – ARE WE FORMING A CULT

J.Laur. – YES

J.Laur. – COME AND JOIN OUR CULT

A.Ham. – O K

A.Ham. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

A.Schuy. – I

A.Schuy. – OK

A.Schuy. –  ELIZA COME WITH ME

E.Schuy. – WH AT IS GOING ON

A.Schuy. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

E.Schuy. – ANGLEICA

A.Schuy. – C OME

E.Schuy. – ok ok

E.Schuy. – I’ll come too but

E.Schuy. – before we get off track

E.Schuy. – are we not going to question James’ message

A.Schuy. – na

J.Laur. – na

A.Ham. – too excited

J.Laur. – lex your literally bouncing up and down

A.Ham. – COMEEEE OVERRRR

A.Schuy. – COMING

**A.Schuy has left the chatroom.**

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – I’m

**E.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

 

* * *

 

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

Whatdidimiss – six am and I’m already shaking

Whatdidimiss – this was a mistake the caffeine is taking over my brain

**…france has entered the chatroom.**

…france – whAT DID WE TELL YOU

Whatdidimiss – :^((

**Whatdidimiss has left the chatroom.**

 

* * *

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – LEX I’VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR FOOD FOR FIVE MINUTES ALL I CAN FIND IS WHEATES

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – B R E  AKF AS T  O F  T H E C H A M P IO NS

J.Laur. – I HATE YOU

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – I’ll buy something don’t worry

J.Laur. –  :-) !!!

 

* * *

 

__

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

**Whatdidimiss has entered the chatroom.**

Whatdidimiss – SEVEN AM

…france – I haven’t heard Dolley come back yet

…france – do you think theyre still wrestling

Whatdidimiss – one of them is probably dead at this point

…france – should I go check on them

Whatdidimiss – I’ll do it I’m literally a ball of jitters and anxiety right now

…france – how much coffee did you drink???

Whatdidimiss – IT WAS ONLY ONE CUP BUT IT’S TAKING ITS TOLL

…france – W H Y did you take it

Whatdidimiss – I thought the energy would help??? But now I’m just tired and also easily agitated

…france – do you have any classes today?

Whatdidimiss – thankfully, only one

…france – ok ok good

 

* * *

 

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**H.Mull. has entered the chatroom.**

H.Mull. – GUYS I HAVE GOOD NEWS

H.Mull. – THEY SAY THEY’LL LET ME OUT OF THE HOSPITAL IN FOUR DAYS BC MY RIBS ARE HEALING

H.Mull. – I’LL STILL BE IN A CAST FOR MY LEG AND STUFF BUT

H.Mull. – I’M COMING HOOOOOME

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – THAT’S GREAT

A.Schuy. –ELIZA AND I CAN PICK YOU UP

J.Laur. – I WANNA COME TOO

A.Schuy. – FINE FINE

A.Schuy. – ALEXADER WEILL PROBABLY COME TOO WHEN WE TELL HIM

H.Mull. – W O O O

A.Schuy. – :)

H.Mull. – :-)

J.Laur. – OK BUT

J.Laur. – Angelica  

J.Laur. – where did Alex and Eliza go I can’t find them

A.Schuy. – what do you mean you can’t find them???

J.Laur. – I mean I can’t find them. There’s only soup.

A.Schuy. – what

H.Mull. – HOW DO YOU LOSE ELIZA AND ALEX YOUR IN AN ENCLOSED SPACE

A.Schuy. – wait a minute

J.Laur. – hAhAHA

A.Schuy. – WAIT A MINUTE

J.Laur. – hahaHAAHAHA

A.Schuy. – DID YOU JUST REFERENCE CODE MENT

A.Schuy. – YOU F O O L

J.Laur. – I saw an opportunity

J.Laur. – and I took it

H.Mull. – WHAT

H.Mull. – WHAT’S CODE MENT

J.Laur. – YOU’VE NEVER SEEN CODE MENT

A.Schuy. – omg Hercules you’re missing out on life’s most fundamental joys

J.Laur. – It’s decided when you get out we’re watching all of code ment

H.Mull. – I

H.Mull. – ok??

H.Mull. – wait so are eliza and alex actually missing

J.Laur. – I don’t know where they went

J.Laur. – but I hear whispering???? They’re still in the apartment

A.Schuy. – I FOUND THEM

A.Schuy. – they’re behind the sofa

A.Schuy. – I’m afraid they have Jerry with them and they’re whispering inaudibly

J.Laur. – I

 

* * *

 

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

Whatdidimiss – so I got to aaron’s apartment and knocked on the door

Whatdidimiss – no answer

…france – Should I be worried

Whatdidimiss – probably

Whatdidimiss – also I KNOW I’M BEING REDICULOUS BUT I HATE this BUZZ

…france – ???

Whatdidimiss – I need to get a tattoo that says never take coffee handouts

Whatdidimiss – my heart hasn’t stopped pumping like a marathon runner in three hours

…france –I want to say that getting a tattoo isn’t a sensible reaction but

…france – tbh I think you actually need the reminder

Whatdidimiss – I’m both offended and relieved

 

* * *

 

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

J.Laur. – ok it’s been like ten minutes angelica what’s going on

H.Mull. – are they still behind the couch

J.Laur. – YES AND ANGELICA HOPPED OVER AND JOINED THEM

J.Laur. – they’re still whispering intensely

H.Mull. – I

J.Laur. – angelica please respond

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

J.Laur. – what

H.Mull. – WHat

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

J.Laur. – ELIZA??

J.Laur. – WHAT IS GOING ON

H.Mull. – ??

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

H.Mull. – IS THIS A CULT

J.Laur. – I AM AFRAID OF MY OWN CULT

H.Mull. – YOU STARTED A CULT

J.Laur. – APPARENTLY

H.Mull. – I

 

* * *

 

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

Whatdidimiss – dolley finally let me in and she’s a mess

Whatdidimiss – her pompadour looks like it’s a wild animal trying to escape from her head

Whatdidimiss – look at this woman

**Whatdidimiss sent a photo.**

…france – aww dolley

**Punkdolley has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – E X C U S E  M E

Punkdolley – I DIDN’T LET YOU INTO THIS HOUSE TO GET DRAGGED

Punkdolley – d e l e t e  t h o s e

Whatdidimiss – but it’s cute tho

Punkdolley – FIHGT ME

Whatdidimiss – I would but you just fought aaron for three hours so

…france – where is aaron??

Whatdidimiss – oh!!!

Whatdidimiss – he’s on the couch sleeping

…france – !!

**Whatdidimiss sent a photo.**

Whatdidimiss – look @ that drool

…france – !!!

Punkdolley – !!!

...france – I am so blessed on this precious day

Punkdolley – me too but

Punkdolley – ok but

Punkdolley – why are we all gushing over each other???

Punkdolley – like an old married couple???

Whatdidimiss – eww

Whatdidimiss – why did you have to put it like that

…france – you just now noticed?

Whatdidimiss – ?

…france – we’ve been acting like this for the past ten months

Punkdolley – I

Whatdidimiss – I

 

* * *

 

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**G.Wash. has entered the chatroom.**

G.Wash. – good morning everyone

A.Schuy. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

E.Schuy. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

J.Laur. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

H.Mull. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

A.Ham. – #JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD

G.Wash. – I

G.Wash. – do I even want to ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomas' coffee problems are based off of the fact that I made the poor choice of buying really good-tasting coffee today. I spend the rest of the day struggling to hold back irritation and jitters. 
> 
> Jerry's cult is looking for fresh recruits if you want to join.
> 
> I feel like dolley shouldn't be such a big part of this since she wasn't even in Hamilton, so like are there any characters that you all specifically want to see in this that aren't already in the character list (aka that I wasn't planning on writing)
> 
> Edit: SO MANY PPL ARE WRITING "JERRYSUPREMEOVERLORD" IN THE COMMENTS THANK YOU ALL SM!!!!
> 
> this is the longest chapter to date and I have no excuse except my own blatant escapism


	10. Operation: "Peggy Watch" - the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J.Laur. – THERE’S A BETTER WAY  
> J.Laur. – QUICK SOMEONE GET DUCT TAPE LETS STRAP ME TO THE ROOF  
> A.Ham. – I
> 
> \---------------------------------------------------------------------  
> this chapter is even more all- over the place than the last one prepare for death and a lot of bad writing

**_  Chapter 10: Operation “Peggy Watch” _ **

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**G.Wash. has entered the chatroom.**

G.Wash – I have good news

G.Wash. – I received a letter from Lafayette today

**H.Mull. has entered the chatroom.**

G.Wash. – he’s decided to act on his plan to return to America for the end of the semester

G.Wash. – he will be leaving in the next few weeks, and plans to stay with Martha and I for the rest of the year

H.Mull. – !!!!

H.Mull. – ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!  !

H.Mull. – L A FA YE TTE!!!

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

H.Mull. – I CAN’T WAIT!!!

G.Wash. – Ah, Hercules

G.Wash. – I heard the good news

G.Wash. – do you need a ride home today?

H.Mull. – NA, I’M GOOD

H.Mull. – ANGELICA IS PICKEN ME UP

A.Schuy. – DAMN STAIGHT I AM!!!

H.Mull. – WHOOO!!

A.Schuy. –  YE AH

G.Wash. – I see

G.Wash. – I hope you will be able to fall back into routine quickly

H.Mull. – yeah, I’ll be fine, I did a lot of studying in the hospital

G.Wash. – alright

G.Wash. – if you need anything let me know and I’ll help out the best I can

H.Mull. – thanks dad lmoa

**G.Wash. has left the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – should we have a real discussion on whether or not it is ethical to call him dad

H.Mull. – idk everyone just kind of does and he hasn’t snapped totally yet

A.Schuy. – why does he put up with an entire group chat with us

H.Mull. – I think he just knows if he ever leaves we would all be dead like an hour afterwards so

H.Mull. – but I’m pretty sure one day he’ll get fed up with us and leave us to fend for ourselves

A.Schuy. – one day gwash is going to kill us all

A.Schuy. – tbh I won’t even be mad

H.Mull. – if he ever kills me I’d just assume I deserved it for all of my past sins towards him

A.Schuy. – rt

 

* * *

 

 

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – if I leave the lecture hall early will Adams notice

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – I hate Prof Adams but I have to admit he has a sharp eye so no

J.Laur. – k

A.Ham. – but what is he doing

J.Laur.– story time

A.Ham. – :0000

J.Laur. – so Adams is in the middle of explaining something and

J.Laur. – all the sudden Prof Gwinnet walks in

A.Ham. – I ALREADY KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING OH NO

J.Laur. – ??

A.Ham. – I had him last year and I’m pretty sure I know what’s ab to happen

J.Laur. – I

J.Laur. – THEY WON’T STOP FIGHTING AND I’M PRETTY SURE THAT HE Isn’t GOING TO GET BACK TO THE LECURE ANYTIME SOON

A.Ham. – you poor soul

J.Laur. – T Jefferson looks so morally conflicted bc he looks like he wants to laugh but at the same time he and adams are all “buddy-buddy” so

A.Ham. – W H E E Z E

J.Laur. – HE’S LIKE FAKE-COUGHING INTO HIS HAND I ALMOST FEEL BAD FOR HIM

J.Laur. – I wonder what his breaking point will be

J.Laur. – UPDATE: HE’S SNICKERING NOW AND ADAMS NOTICED AND HE’S JUST

A.Ham. – let him burn

J.Laur. – the entire class is just trying so hard not to laugh

J.Laur. – OH NO HE’S CACKLING NOW BC GWINNET WAS BRAGGING ABOUT HOW MANY LADIES HAVE “undone his button-holes” AND HE GOES, “ask Abigail she knows ;^)))” AND ADAMS JUST SPUTTERS FOR LIKE A MINUTE

A.Ham. – s w e e t  s a l l y

J.Laur. – JEFFERSON HAS CRACKED I REPEAT JEFFERSON HAS CRACKED

J.Laur. – Adams is giving him his “meet me after class” glare they both look so D E AD I N SI DE

 

* * *

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

**Whatdidimiss has entered the chatroom.**

Whatdidimiss – god has forsaken me

Whatdidimiss – I’m going to light myself on fire goodbye cruel world

**Whatdidimiss has left the chatroom.**

 

* * *

 

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

J.Laur. – save John Adams 1o k 7

A.Ham. – Kill john adams 1o k 7

J.Laur. – oh yeah

J.Laur. – I forgot about your,,, history with him

A.Ham. – jOHNNN

J.Laur. – ??

A.Ham. – DON’T SAY IT LIKE T H A T  JOHN YOUR GOING TO SCARE WASHINGTON

J.Laur. – WhY???

A.Ham. – it sounds like we were D A T I N  G  or something ()JFE)(EFfeNFEPNFE

J.Laur. – FI()#RFN)EFMWMFWKFLNIEOF

J.Laur. – aIHE*(RH#IOEFNOIF

J.Laur. – ODFNE()HF#(H#RFN

 

* * *

 

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

**…france has entered the chatroom.**

…france – THOMAS

…france – ARE YOU OK

…france –  T H O M AS

**A.Burr. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – he’s probably fine james

…france – he just

...france – he just left that note and left

…france – sorry

…france – I’m being irrational

A.Burr. –it’s fine don’t worry                                             

A.Burr. – I have a plan

A.Burr. – quick leave the chat and block your notifications for a minute

…france – ???

**…france has left the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – ok now

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

A.Burr. – Thomas

**Whatdidimiss has entered the chatroom.**

Whatdidimiss – A A R O N

Whatdidimiss – AR E  Y OU TTRY IN G TO KI LL ME

A.Burr. – it was justified

A.Burr. – we were worried and James doesn’t need any more anxiety today

Whatdidimiss – oh

Whatdidimiss – OHHHHH

Whatdidimiss – OH OH OH

**…france has entered the chatroom.**

…france – …I take it it worked

Whatdidimiss – J A M E S

Whatdidimiss – I’M SORRY

…france – it’s fine

…france – I wasn’t panicking or anything

Whatdidimiss – SOUNDS FAKE BUT OK

**Punkdolley has entered the chatroom.**

Punkdolley – A A R O N

Whatdidimiss – oh no

…france – just oh

Punkdolley – 69 MESSSGES A A R O N

A.Burr. – sorry

Punkdolley – W H Y

A.Burr. – scroll up

Punkdolley- ….oh

…france – anyway

…france – clearly thomas is having a crisis

Whatdidimiss – I

Whatdidimiss – ok I love prof adams but sometimes I just wanna laugh in his face so much

A.Burr. – ???

Whatdidimiss – HE AND PROF GWINNET SPENT H A L F OF OUR LECTUR ARGUING ABOUT LIKE??

Whatdidimiss – ANSD ADAMS JUST                                                                               

Whatdidimiss – I ThINK I MIGHT HAVE BROKEN OUR ALLIANCE BECAUSE I LAUGHED sO HARD

Whatdidimiss – zevnyr389nyc3nc030njv409eun0r3uv

A.Burr. – tragic

Punkdolley – OM JAMES

Punkdolley – REMEMBER WHEN YOU AND HAMILTON AND JOHN JAY ALL COLLECTIVELY HATED ADAMS SO YOU GOT TOGETHER AND ;^)))))

A.Burr. – ?????

Whatdidimiss – ????

…france – are you referring to The Golden Age of Gwinnet/Adams Fanfiction

…france – because that was a time of my life that I’m not proud of

Whatdidimiss – WHAAAAAAAAAT

A.Burr. – w h a t

Punkdolley – NO I’M Not KIDDING I WAS OVER AT MADISON’S DORM WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT IT

Punkdolley – HAMILTON JUST WALKED IN LIKE “heeeey james can you proof-read this for me”

Punkdolley – AND I LOOK OVER AND ALL I SEE IS  **S I N N I N G**

Whatdidimiss – adAMS SPENT WEEKS CRYING OVER THOSE

Whatdidimiss – J AM ES

Whatdidimiss – HOW C O U L D  Y OU

…france – to be fair it wasn’t my idea to tape them to his desk it was John Jay’s

Whatdidimiss – I can’t believe this

Whatdidimiss –  my best friend and the teacher I kiss up to are in a secret war and I Never Even Knew????

Whatdidimiss – wait JAMES WHY WERE YOU MAD AT HIM ANYWAY???

…france – we’ve never been on good terms

…france – I’ll leave it at that for the sake of our group harmony

Whatdidimiss – ?????

Punkdolley – tbh I’ve never had an opinion about Adams but I’ve heard a lot of people hate him

…france – Hamilton has the most reasons to hate him out of everyone I think

A.Burr. – I mean, I’ve never had an opinion about him myself, but

Whatdidimiss – shocking.

…france – never would have guessed.

Punkdolley – that was unexpected.

A.Burr. – leT ME FINISH YOU J E R K S

 

* * *

 

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

H.Mull. – ARE YOU HERE YET

H.Mull. – ARE YOU HERE YET

**A.Schuy has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – HO LD YO UR HORSES

A.Schuy. – I’VE GOTTA PICK UP JOHN FROM HIS CLASS FIRST

E.Schuy. – ANGIE STOP TEXTING WHILE DRIVING

A.Schuy. – :)

**A.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

H.Mull. – NEIGH, FAIR MAIDEN

H.Mull. – I CAN HOLD MY HORSES NO LONGER

H.Mull. – FOR THEY PAW T’WARDS THE GROUND A’ SNORTING FOR FREE AIR

E.Schuy – Hercules what the fuck

H.Mull. – :-)

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. –  HE R C

A.Ham. – PLEASE DON’T MAKE ANGELICA CRASH WHILE I’M IN THE BACK SEAT

E.Schuy. – She’s banging her head on the wheel I’m afraid for her

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – W HE RE AR E Y’ALL

H.Mull. – AH, HARK, A KINDRED SPIRIT COMES FROM THE WEST

J.Laur. – ???

E.Schuy. – is Hercules ok

A.Ham. – I ask that question all day everyday on all days

H.Mull. –   :-(

E.Schuy. – ok John you can come out now we’re here

J.Laur. – zoom zoom

A.Ham. – ZOOM ZOOM

J.Laur. – Nice car, Angelica

E.Schuy. – she thanks you in spirit

J.Laur. – wait Eliza why is there so little room in the backseat

E.Schuy. – wELL,,,,,

E.Schuy. – I’M NOT SAYING I BOUGHT MORE BAGELS

E.Schuy. – But

J.Laur. – ELIZA WH Y

 

* * *

 

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

**Whatdidimiss has entered the chatroom.**

Whatdidimiss – I SURVIVED

Whatdidimiss – I just saw John Laurens sprinting out the door lmao same

**…france has entered the chatroom.**

Whatdidimiss – oh james do you need a ride over today

…france – no I’m good I’m actually already here

…france – dolley’s still picking me up afterwards too so I’ll be fine

Whatdidimiss – kk

Whatdidimiss – good luck

…france – I’ll need it

* * *

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – WE FINALLY MADE IT

H.Mull. – THE POTENT POISON QUITE O’ER CROWS MY SPIRIT

A.Schuy. – Hercules what are you talking about

H.Mull. – I CANNOT LIVE TO HEAR THE NEWS FROM ENGLAND

A.Ham. – ???

H.Mull. – BUT I DO PROPHESY

H.Mull. – THE ELECTION LIGHTS

H.Mull. – ON FORTINBRAS: HE HAS MY DYING VOICE

J.Laur. – Hercules you’re not dying I see you snickering over in the waiting area

H.Mull. – SO TELL HIM, WITH THE OCCURRENTS, MORE OR LESS

H.Mull. – WHICH HAVE SOLICITIED. The Rest.

E.Schuy. – Hercules we’re right in front of you get off the phone

H.Mull. – IS SILENCE.

 

 

A.Ham. – IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS OVER thERE??

E.Schuy. – I THINK IT IS

J.Laur. – It definitely is

E.Schuy. – I’M GOING OVER

E.Schuy. – BRB

A.Schuy. – eliza was it necessary to take the entire bag of bagels

E.Schuy. – yes

**J.Mad. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Mad. – E L I Z A  P L E A SE

E.Schuy. – HAhahahahahahaha

J.Mad. – ELIZA I CAN’T EAT YOUR BAGELS I’M GOING INTO SURGERY IN LIKE FIVE MINUTES

E.Schuy. – WHAT

A.Schuy. – WHAt

A.Ham. – what

J.Laur. – what

H.Mull. – whAT

J.Mad. – what did literally none of you know

E.Schuy. – NO

A.Schuy. – YOU NEVER TOLD US THIS

J.Mad. – oh

J.Mad. – oops?

J.Mad. – wait why are you guys here anyway

H.Mull. – They’re freeing me

A.Ham. – Hercules is being freed

J.Laur. – uh yeah

J.Laur. – what they said

J.Mad. – oh nice

J.Mad. – good luck in the free world

H.Mull. – tahks mom

**J.Mad. has left the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – anyway,

A.Schuy. – lets get everyone in the car now

E.Schuy. – OH NO!!!

J.Laur. – ???

H.Mull. – ???

A.Ham. – ????

A.Schuy. – ????

E.Schuy. – WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH SEATS FOR EVERYONE

A.Ham. – W HA T

A.Schuy. – I DID N O T  THINK THIS THROUGH EVEN DID I

A.Ham. – I MEAN I’LL WALK IF I HAVE TO I’M DOWN

J.Laur. – NO ALEX

A.Ham. – It’S A NESSASSARY SACRIFICE

A.Ham. – TELL LAFAYETTE I LOVE HIM

J.Laur. – THERE’S A BETTER WAY

J.Laur. – QUICK SOMEONE GET DUCT TAPE LETS STRAP ME TO THE ROOF

A.Ham. – I

A.Ham. – OK ????

H.Mull. –WHERE ARE WE GOING TO FIND DUCT TAPE

A.Ham. – I’LL ASK THENURSES

E.Schuy. – GUYS

E.Schuy. – WE ARE  N O T  STRAPPING JOHN TO THE ROOF

J.Laur. – WHY NOT

J.Laur. – I’D BE LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE

A.Schuy. – guys

J.Laur. – OEN WITH THE AIR AND THE BREEZE

A.Schuy. – guys calm down

A.Schuy. – someone will just have to sit in the trunk

A.Schuy. – it’ll be fine

A.Ham. – oh

H.Mull. – oh

J.Laur. – oh

A.Ham. – yeah I can sit in the back I’m small enough for it

A.Schuy. – kk let’s do it

**A.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – well now that thAT’S settled

**E.Schuy has left the chatroom.**

**H.Mull. has left the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – I still think someone should strap me to the roof

 

* * *

 

 

**A.Schuy. has created a private chatroom.**

**A.Schuy. has named the chatroom:** _ Peggy Watch _

**A.Schuy. has added E.Schuy. to the chatroom.**

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – ok seriously

A.Schuy. – where is Peggy

E.Schuy. – I’m concerned too but

E.Schuy. – was an entire chatroom really necessary?

A.Schuy. – yes

A.Schuy. – I’m concerned

A.Schuy. – she usually texts us about the little things in her day like

A.Schuy. – this is all way too unusual

E.Schuy. – wouldn’t she tell us if something was wrong?

A.Schuy. – maybe

A.Schuy. – but just to be safe I’m going to ask dad

E.Schuy. – ….so what’s the point of the chat?

A.Schuy. – trade information

E.Schuy. – ah

A.Schuy. – operation “Peggy Watch” is ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I missed Thomas Jefferson's birthday by like a week but still happy birthday to him
> 
> I don't know what I'm doing guys h e l p m e
> 
> Edit: The whole Adams - Gwinnet thing is a reference to a Saturday night live sketch that Lin Miranda Manuel did with Stephen Colbert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhFeQSBZUSk It's surprisingly funny seeing lin in a powdered wig so watch it


	11. The Shortest Chapter I've ever Written

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where I've been in hot water for awhile, so it's short and cheap.

_ Peggy Watch Chatroom: _

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. – ok so

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. – :0 :0

A.Schuy. – as the official concerned eldest sibling of the family

A.Schuy – I give the Peggy situation a 6/10 alert

E.Schuy. – what???

E.Schuy. – mom told me she’s just doing a lot of homework recently????

A.Schuy. – exactly

E.Schuy. – ?

A.Schuy. – if nothing’s changed at home, than the problem must be with us

E.Schuy. – ?????????????

E.Schuy. – you mean like

E.Schuy. – like we somehow offended her and didn’t know?

A.Schuy. – that’s the problem

A.Schuy. – we must have done something

A.Schuy. – but I can’t think of anything that would have made her shut us out like this

E.Schuy. – not necessarily!!!!

E.Schuy. – maybe she’s got like

E.Schuy. – a super hard end-of-the-year report of something

E.Schuy. – she’s a high school senior it may not be college level work but it’s still hard

A.Schuy. – but she wouldn’t get on to talk even on a break???

A.Schuy. – she’s not Alexander, she doesn’t just shut people out like that

E.Schuy. – that’s true

E.Schuy. – but I’m not entirely convinced that it’s a panic-worthy problem

E.Schuy. – maybe we should just give her time?

A.Schuy. – eh

A.Schuy. – I’m not saying we have to do anything large

A.Schuy. – just

A.Schuy. – team up and text her like “heyeyyy hi peggs we miss you are you dead”

E.Schuy. – I

E.Schuy. – you have a point

E.Schuy. – but I’d heavily edit your choice of words

A.Schuy. – all but the best for our dear sister

 

* * *

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**H.Mull. has entered the chatroom.**

H.Mull. – why is every James Bond opening a movie In And Of Itself

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – it’s eight in the morning

J.Laur. – why are you watching james bond

H.Mull. – well

H.Mull. – why not

J.Laur. – is that just a thing

J.Laur. – you just wake up in the morning and immediately go “damn I could really go for some james bond about now”

H.Mull. – yeah basically

H.Mull. – I’m also about to down some really strong painkillers so the movie is about to get even wilder

J.Laur. – shouldnt you have someone watching you if your on painkillers?

H.Mull. – I mean I’m probably just going to fall asleep so

H.Mull. – I doubt ill do anything that warrants supervision

J.Laur. – can I come over anyway just to be safe

H.Mull. – sure

H.Mull. – should I just like leave the key under the door bc I really don’t want to mess up the schedule by waiting

J.Laur. – that doesn’t leave me a lot of time to get over there does it

H.Mull. – brb

J.Laur. – GOTTA GO F A S T

 

* * *

 

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

**Whatdidimiss has entered the chatroom.**

Whatdidimiss – RED ALERT RED ALERT RED ALERT RED ALERT

Whatdidimiss – GUYS H ELP

**A.Burr has entered the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – ????

Whatdidimiss – MY STOVE IS ON FIRE

A.Burr. – what

A.Burr. – are you serious like your actual stove or fjsut

**Whatdidimiss has sent a photo.**

Whatdidimiss – DO I LOOK LIKE IM JOKING

**Punkdolley has entered the chatroom.**

A.Burr. – WHY ARE YOU TEXTING US ABOUT IT THEN

Whatdidimiss – I DON’T KNOW WHAGT TO DO IT’s GETTING BIGGER HELP ME

Punkdolley – PUT IT  O U T  PUT IT OUT

Whatdidimiss –  H O W

Punkdolley – I DON’T KNOW GET A BUCKET OF WATER

Whatdidimiss – IN WHA T  UNIVERSE DO I HAVE A BUCKET OF WATER IN MY KITCHEN

Punkdolley – A BETTER ONE

A.Burr. – fuck

A.Burr. – james is gone so I have to be the fuckion voice of reason ok

Whatdidimiss – I’M CRYIFEJJNG IT S SO

A.Burr. – get like a pot or pan or something and fill it up

Whatdidimiss – NO THE ENTIRE COUNTER AND SINKARE DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE FIRE

Whatdidimiss – I’M NOT GPINT NEAR IT

A.Burr. – what

A.Burr. – OH FIWF  THE FIRE’S THAT BIG???

Punkdolley – cCALL 91e2eq2q1   

Whatdidimiss – ???????????????????

Punkdolley – *911*

A.Burr. – LEAVE THE APARTMENT FIRST THEN CALL FOR HELP

Whatdidimiss – I’M LEAVINONFG

 

* * *

 

 

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

**A.Ham. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Ham. – there’s screaming outside my dorm what’s going on

**J.Laur. has entered the chatroom.**

J.Laur. – !!! ALEX !!!

A.Ham. – woah !!!JOHN!!! what are you doing up so early??

J.Laur. – insomnia and also I wanted to be a good father and supervise Herc

A.Ham. – “a Good Father”

J.Laur. – y e s

J.Laur. – I spent a lot of time thinking about our roles in the group and I’ve got it figured out

J.Laur. –  bc Eliza and Angelica may be the dominant moms and Gwash is the dominant dad but they all need a secondary parent for when were away

J.Laur. – thus, I am the stand-in parent/medic for all of your fathering needs

A.Ham. – I

A.Ham. – I’m not even going to question that except to say

A.Ham. – does that make you Papa John

J.Laur. – I

J.Laur. – is that my supreme title

A.Ham. – yES

J.Laur. – ok

J.Laur. – so can we get back to the people screaming outside your dorm room now

A.Ham. – I’m checking on it rn

A.Ham. – ok there’s a small gthrering of ppl outside one of the rooms I’m gunna check there

J.Laur. – over and out

A.Ham. – all I’ve found is a very traumatized Thomas Jefferson

A.Ham. – he’s sobbing about how he just wanted to make fuckin waffles

A.Ham. – O H

A.Ham. – HIS KICHTEN IS ON FIRE???? HOLY FIOEDJFIOEWJF

J.Laur. – WH AT

J.Laur. – LEX

J.Laur. – WHAT IS GOING ON LEX

A.Ham. – holy moly macoraloni

A.Ham. – i mean i hate jefferson but even this is excessive

A.Ham. – HOW DOES SOMEONE FAIL AT COOKING THAT BADLY????

J.Laur. – I DON’T  K N O W  WHAT EVEN WHY

J.Laur. – is he???? Ok????

 

* * *

 

 

_ Southern Motherfking Democratic-Repubs Chatroom: _

A.Burr. – ok Thomas are you out ok

Punkdolley – THOMAS RESPOND QUICK IF YOU DIE JAMES WILL KILL ME

A.Burr. – is that seriously what you’re worried about

Punkdolley – NO OF COURSE NOT

Punkdolley – IT DOES PLAY A LARGE FACTOR IN WHAT I’M WORRIED ABOUT THOUGH

A.Burr. - I

A.Burr. - good enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry It's been so long, I can't be as consistent or give you as good of quality as I would like due to a bunch of reasons
> 
> I hope this at least assures you that I'm not dead, anyway
> 
> sorry


	12. PEGGY FINALLY EXSISTS AGAIN FML

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A.Ham. - well, the fire has been put out now  
> A.Ham. - that was an e x p e r i a n c e
> 
> \---------------------------------------------------
> 
> IT TOOK ME A WHOLE MONTH TO UPDATE THIS WTF ME
> 
> also I start dumping all of my insecurities onto peggy sorry peggy

_**Chapter 12: PEGGY RETURNS!!!!** _

_ College Campus Squad Chatroom: _

A.Ham. - well, the fire has been put out now

A.Ham. - that was an e x p e r i a n c e

J.Laur. - hwo is thomas

A.Ham. - uh

A.Ham. - alive

A.Ham. - I haven't actually seen him since the beginning and then I saw Burr and a mystery girl pick him up so

A.Ham. - he's??? ok??? I guess???

A.Ham. - if not temporarily dis-homed

J.Laur. - ??? Is dis-homed even a word??

A.Ham. - I don't even know I'm so tired now

J.Laur. - Hercules and I are watching the entire James Bond series rn do you want to come over

A.Ham. - y e s

**A.Ham. has left the chatroom.**

**J.Laur. has left the chatroom.**

* * *

  _Peggy Watch Chatroom:_

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. - have you heard from Peggy

E.Schuy. - unfortunately

E.Schuy. - no

A.Schuy. - I've tried texting her, but nothing yet

E.Schuy. -alright alright what's our game plan

A.Schuy. - !!!!!!wait a minute!!!!!

A.Schuy. - CHECK YOUR NOTIFICATIONS SHE'S BACK

E.Schuy. - WAIT WHAT

**A.Schuy. has left the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. - AH AH AH I'M COMING I'M COMING I'M COMING

* * *

  _College Campus Squad_ _Chatroom:_

**P.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

P.Schuy. - hey guys

P.Schuy. - sorry that I haven't been on recently

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. - PEGGY

A.Schuy. - :)

P.Schuy. - :) :) :)

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. - :) :) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A.Schuy. - THE GANGS ALL HERE

E.Schuy. - PEGGY WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH WHERE DID YOU GO???

P.Schuy. - It'S fine I was just really busy

E.Schuy. - that's fine!! we can respect that!!!

P.Schuy. - :) :) :)

A.Schuy. - NO WE CAN'T WHERE WERE YOU THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE

P.Schuy. - :( :( :(

A.Schuy. - WAS IT SOMETHING WE SAID???? WAS IT FINALS??? IT'S NEVER BEEN FINALS BEFORE THOUGH

P.Schuy. - angie

A.Schuy. - WERE YOU SICK??? WAS IT ReALLY BAD AND YOU JUST DONT WANT TO WORRY US???

P.Schuy. - angie

A.Schuy. - OH GOD ARE YOU DYING?!?!?!?

P.Schuy. - A N G E L I c A

A.Schuy.. - M a r g a r i t a 

P.Schuy. - calm down it's not anything external I'm just worrying a lot

E.Schuy. - is it anything we can help you with?

P.Schuy. - I

P.Schuy. - I don't know

A.Schuy. - p l e a s e  tell us what's wrong we're really worried

P.Schuy. - I mean

P.Schuy. - I guess I could try to tell you but its sort of a thing I have to sort out on my own

A.Schuy. - W HA T

A.Schuy. - NONE OF UR PROBLEMS ARE MEANT TO BE SORTED OUT ALONE PEGGY

A.Schuy. - well ok maybe there are some like whether or not to eat cereal or eggs in the morning

A.Schuy. - or whether or not to wear striped pajamas during movie night

P.Schuy. - ???

A.Schuy. -  B U T

E.Schuy. - WHAT ANGIE IS TRYING TO SAY IS THAT YOU CAN TALK TO US

A.Schuy. - YES

A.Schuy. - THAT THING

* * *

_Peggy Watch Chatroom:_

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. - ELIZA HELP ME

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. - you know if the site catches the fact that we left the chatroom its going to sign us out

A.Schuy. - I know I know we'll be quick but

A.Schuy. - DOES PEGGY THINK WE DON'T CARE ABOUT HER???

E.Schuy. - NO ANGIE

E.Schuy. - I'M SURE SHE DOESN'T

A.Schuy. - THEN WHAT IS SHE HIDING THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT US TO KNOW ABOUT DID SHE LIKE

A.Schuy. - BREAK UP WITH HER SUPER SECRET SIGNIFICANT OTHER OR SOMETHING AND NOT WANT US TO KNOW SHE WAS DATING

E.Schuy. - I?? I sincerely doubt she would hide someone she's dating from us

A.Schuy. - she's hiding this from us

E.Schuy. - well,, maybe she's worried about what we'll think

A.Schuy. - whywould she be worried about that???

A.Schuy. - oh god eliza are we bad sisters

E.Schuy. - maybe

E.Schuy. - maybe we are bad sisters

E.Schuy. - but we can try to make up for it by talking to her now

E.Schuy. - oh no

E.Schuy. - we've over stayed our time in here a bunch

A.Schuy. - OH FCK SHE TYPED OUT A BUNCH OF STUFF IN THE CHATROOM WE HAVE TO SWITCH BACK

E.Schuy. - we might have been signed out hurry hurry hurry

* * *

_College Campus Squad Chatroom:_

P.Schuy. - I guess I'm flattered that you want to hear but

P.Schuy - ok here it goes

P.Schuy. - so uhm

P.Schuy. - my grades are on a steady decline

P.Schuy. - they're not horrible but

P.Schuy. -I'm pretty sure I can kiss all hopes of getting into an ivy league college goodbye

P.Schuy. - not that I really had a chance to begin with like I'm nothing like you guys but

P.Schuy. - it was nice to pretend I could be smart enough to be like you for awhile

P.Schuy. - I don't know where to go from here

P.Schuy. - I'm struggling in regular classes and all I can think of is

P.Schuy. - college is gunna be a thousand times worse than this and I'm already failing here

P.Schuy. - and how the heck am I going to handle it

P.Schuy. - like on top of keeping up with all the work I'll have feed and clothe myself and learn how to budget money and like

P.Schuy. - that sounds really stupid to worry about because like theres alexander who's been taking care of himself for way longer than I've even known him and here I am

P.Schuy. - worrying about being inconvenienced in college

P.Schuy - and my problems are way less than all of yours so I guess I don't have a lot to complain about???

P.Schuy. - but I can just feel the weight of responsibility looming over and I just realize how Not Ready I am for all of this

P.Schuy. - so

P.Schuy. - that's basically it

P.Schuy. - so I'm doing a lot of soul searching n' stuff right now and just crying a lot and slowly accepting my fate

P.Schuy. - and it's not super important but basically I haven't talked to you in awhile because I've been stressing myself out

P.Schuy. - so that's a thing

P.Schuy. - .....guys?

P.Schuy. - are you there?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear everybody,  
> I haven't posted another chapter of this in a really long time, wow, and I'm really sorry for that. It's not that I'm having creative burnout, I still have thousands of ideas I want to execute. I just had a lot going on, and my writing here suffered for that bc I dropped a bunch of my projects to sit around pretending to do work and feeling sorry for myself for a long time. While I was away, I received a MASSIVE amount of comments on my previous episodes with sweet comments, encouraging words, and headcannons that made me laugh. So thank you so much for continuing to be here while I was away, and I hope in the future I can write even more content here for you to enjoy in a faster amount of time.
> 
> THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH,  
> Me.


	13. Underwhelmed Chapter That Might Be The Last One Depending On What People Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> P.Schuy. - ...  
> P.Schuy. - are you seriously spending 6 minutes trying to think of something you don't have together
> 
> \-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
> I hope this is proof that I'm still living

_College Campus Squad Chatroom:_

E.Schuy. - OHHHHHHHHHHH

A.Schuy. - PEGGYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

E.Schuy. - PEGGS

A.Schuy. - PEGGS I'M SO SORRY

P.Schuy. - guys chill

A.Schuy. - peggy you KNOW you can talk and complain to us about this stuff right??? you don't have to hide it from us!!!

E.Schuy. - WHAT ANGLECA SAID

A.Schuy. - and we don't have everything in our lives together either!!

E.Schuy. - WHAT ANGELICA SAID

A.Schuy. - like uh

P.Schuy. - ...

P.Schuy. - are you seriously spending 6 minutes trying to think of something you don't have together

* * *

  _Peggy Watch Chatroom: _

**A.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

A.Schuy. - ELIZA

A.Schuy. - HELP

**E.Schuy. has entered the chatroom.**

E.Schuy. - HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU I'VE JUST BEEN AGREEING WITH WHAT YOU'RE SAYING

A.Schuy. - I DON'T KNOW JUST

A.Schuy.- DO THAT eLIZA THING THAT YOU DO

A.Schuy. - WHERE YOU MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BETTER

E.Schuy. - ????

E.Schuy. - hOW????

E.Schuy. - WHAT???

A.Schuy. - I don't KNOW You just have that effect on people?? just talk to her plz

E.Schuy. - I

E.Schuy. - you know that you can make people feel good about themselves too right

A.Schuy. - na

A.Schuy. - I know I don't and I'm fine with it

E.Schuy. - angie

A.Schuy. - eli

E.Schuy. - .....we'll talk about this later

A.Schuy. - fiiine :(

E.Schuy. - :) :)

* * *

_College Campus Squad Chatroom:_

E.Schuy. - peggy

E.Schuy. - I just want you to know that everyone cares about you ok?

E.Schuy. - we've been worried about you all week and we really did miss you

E.Schuy. - I understand that you had to take time to yourself, and I encourage you to do that too if it helps!! We can all be very overwhelming with the predicaments we get ourselves in,,

E.Schuy. - but we love hearing about your own adventures! and what you struggle with!!

P.Schuy. - ...I know. thank you

P.Schuy. - it just feels like

P.Schuy. - I don't know

P.Schuy. - how much longer will I be allowed to stay here with you people before you realize that I'm not like you?

E.Schuy. - we know that your different from us.

E.Schuy. - it's true, your younger than us and in a different location

E.Schuy. - you see things in a different way

E.Schuy. - and that's FINE!!!

E.Schuy. - we don't ask you to be anything other than yourself with us

P.Schuy. - y'all,,,,

A.Schuy. - AH YEA H WHAT ELIZA SAID

P.Schuy. - I love you two,,, so much.

A.Schuy. - dsafdgreVGRHDFGSGHGFdne

E.Schuy. - we know, peggy

E.Schuy. - <3 <3

P.Schuy. - <3 <3 <3

A.Schuy. - !!!! <3  !!!

* * *

_Peggy Watch Chatroom:_

A.Schuy. - ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA ELIZA

E.Schuy. - ??

A.Schuy. - SHE SAID SHE LOVES US SHE SAID SHE LOVES USSHE SAID SHE LOVES USSHE SAID SHE LOVES USSHE SAID SHE LOVES USSHE SAID SHE LOVES USSHE SAID SHE LOVES US

E.Schuy. - oh

E.Schuy. - oh angie..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A BUNCH OF STUFF TO READ: the musical
> 
> Sorry that this chapter is so short. I've been busy prepping for the school year and doing a lot of soul-searching. My old writing style isn't coming to me as naturally, and this chapter was a killer to write because I kept messing up the pacing. Plus our beloved angie and eli are??? Very out of character in this chapter??? The dialog felt forced and the interactions weren't well thought out and lacked life.
> 
> I finished this chapter to prove that I can still write this fic. If that's what people want. But I can't promise anything close to perfection, maybe not even quality.
> 
> take a poll in the comments. Do you want me to keep going, even at the risk that the fic may look very different in the future? Or would you rather I stop and use my focus for other things?
> 
> IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE OF ME....SHAMELESS SELF PROMOS: If you want to talk to me about fandom stuff or fanfics, you can come talk to me on my shiny new tumblr https://threeeyedbunnytrash.tumblr.com/ , where I post some dumb art and reblog fandom stuff and stuff I like. So, uh, if your into that come check it out. If your not into that don't check it out. Free country.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you did, tell me in the comments! If you didn't, tell me in the comments! I'm waiting for feedback so I can decide whether or not to keep this fic alive, or let it rest knowing that it had a good run.


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